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elphies_box2011-11-16 01:52 am
jecca-o9.livejournal.com) wrote in elphies_box2011-11-16 01:52 am
Entry tags:
stop this world [23/23]
stop this world [23/23]
gen, au!slice of life
5, 305 words
Kibum waits for the boy with blonde hair who comes in at seven o'clock and five minutes in the morning. One day, the boy looks up, smiles, and the world stops spinning.
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Warning/s: High school cliches, making fun of those high school cliches, an abundance of hidden and not-so-hidden pop culture references, and a lot of realism.
notes IT IS FINALLY OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I decided I wanted to write an HS!Jongkey fic, I also decided that I wanted it to have things that other high school fics haven’t tackled. So, here it is. I had no idea if I achieved my goal (but I hope I came close), and I had no idea it would take this long! HAHA. Thank you all for reading and all your lovely, wonderful comments. They've been a great encouragement for me. I KNOW YOU WANT TO READ THE FIC AND PROBABLY AREN'T READING THIS BUT HERE IS A PLAYLIST. These are the songs I listened to to get me writing this particular fic. Mostly composed of songs that remind me of High School, or were famous when I was in High School.
omg it's finally over. I can breathe again.
Chapters Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | Epilogue
CHAPTER 23
Jonghyun didn't break the Bro Code for Jinki. He bought chicken wings and some bottles of soju. Both of them ate and drank (Jinki a little more than Jonghyun) and said nothing. The Han River reflected the lights of the city in front of them. They'd gone through the bucket when Jonghyun spoke, a little quietly.
"Maybe on White Day--"
Jinki cut him off with a shake of his head and a small smile. "Nah."
The stars sparkled up in the sky and the night breeze enveloped them both. Jonghyun was wearing a black sweater with Crayon Shin Chan on it. Jinki was wearing a yellow sweater and blue jeans. He tugged at the striped beanie on his head. The city of Seoul was alive with love and life below them.
Jonghyun knew it was not a good time to bring it up, not when he was the one who was supposed to be comforting Jinki, but--
“Kibum said no.”
Jinki looked at him, surprise written on his features. “Really?”
“Yeah. Said he didn’t like me that way anymore.”
Jinki blinked. He cocked his head to the side. Jonghyun couldn't read his eyes when he said, “Well, at least that’s better. Much better than ‘You’re a great guy and I have fun when I’m with you but first year in university is really busy and I don’t know if I can be in a relationship right now.’”
Jinki stopped and took a deep breath. He shook his head.
“How’s that much better?” Jonghyun said incredulously. He drank some soju, the liquid splashing inside the green bottle.
Jinki shrugged. “You get closure. You get a ‘no’ instead of a lingering hope that someday, maybe when she’s ready...”
He shifted and pressed his knees close to his chest. Jonghyun looked at him. The water rippled. Jinki extended an arm to his side, grasped his soju bottle and drank, his throat bobbing as the liquid went down.
“Not really.” Jonghyun finally said. He dropped his empty bottle on the grass and opened a new one. He tossed the bottle opener on the grass between them.
“You still want to?”
“Don’t you?”
A smile. “Touche.”
It was weird, speaking in unfinished sentences and understanding each other. Jinki wondered if it had to do with some universal, cosmic language of having your heart broken.
Jinki lay back on the grass and stared up at the stars. Jonghyun kept quiet beside him, still drinking. Jinki looked at the twinkling expanse of the night and wondered how many heartaches they’ve seen, how many wishes of love they held. He thought of making a wish, like he used to do when he was younger (when he was innocent and happier) but he knew that scientifically, the stars visible to the human eye are dead and wishes don’t come true. Jinki smiled a little, because it seemed the more he learned, the more he felt like he lost part of the things that made his childhood wonderful.
(Later on, Jinki would learn that sometimes, life just worked that way. That even when you’re totally sure of your feelings for someone, that someone might still be in a place of finding herself, of figuring out if she’s ready. That affection isn’t enough for two people to want to be together. That is perfectly possible for two people to be in the same but different place at the same time.
Jinki would learn that everything in life was all up to choices. That you’d choose the battles you fight--and you choose the ones you let go. And even when you’ve made all the choices you wanted to, the choices of other people will affect you as well, whether you know it or not, whether you want it to or not.
Jinki would learn that life was still one big game of chance, no matter how many or how important the choices he made were. And much later on, he would learn that it was what made life worth it.)
Jinki wished on the star anyway.
Jonghyun looked at Jinki and raised his bottle half-empty bottle of soju. "To the next school year."
Jinki smiled and sat up as he picked up his own bottle from the grass. "To love."
They toasted, the bright lights of Seoul and stars as their witness.
A lot of things happened that end of the year break. The new school term would start in two weeks time, on March first. Two weeks was a short time--but in the way that only life decides if any day is different from the rest in a person’s life, those two weeks came to mean everything for Kibum.
Everything was still and peaceful in the Kim’s household. The door to Kibum’s room remained closed, the paint peeling of the top corner. Breakfast was set on the island in the kitchen with a note next to it, informing the sole inhabitant that his mother had gone to work.
"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU LIZARD."
The door to Kibum’s room flew open with a bang. It was nine-thirty in the morning on a Tuesday. They were on vacation. Kibum slept.
“OY!” Amber yelled and pounced on the prone figure on the bed.
“OW!” Kibum screeched as Amber landed on his midsection. His eyes snapped open.
Amber glared at him. He glared back as soon as his vision adjusted to the light. A heavy weight settled on his stomach, and he knew it wasn’t because of the girl currently trying to kill him. He’d been waking up with a heavy feeling surrounding him for a few days now. He knew the feeling would pass but he couldn’t help feeling as if he couldn’t be properly happy for a long, long time.
He picked his phone up from his bedside table, unmindful of the girl currently astride his legs. He glared daggers at Amber upon seeing the time. “Do you know what time it is?!”
Amber’s face was red from anger. She held up a white envelope in her hand. “I got this in the mail today, you fucker.” She slapped it on his chest.
“What do I care about your mail?” Kibum retorted. He didn’t move from his lying position.
Amber pinched his side, hard.
“Ow!” Kibum picked up the letter, glanced at the address and immediately understood. He grinned mischievously, heavy feelings brought about by tumultuous friendships and confessions pushed to the back of his mind. Where it waved at him. His smile dropped a little--it seemed like all the little things that would give him great joy before only gave him minutes of happiness now before they were drowned by that horrible dark feeling. God, he was turning into an emo kid. So not cool.
“What’d he say?”
Amber flushed even harder. Her gaze dropped to her lap. And then up at his crotch, where she knew it would hurt if she kneed him. “You are such an evil, evil--”
Kibum saw the look in her eye and he twisted his legs, forcing her off his body and onto the floor. A muffled "Fuck!" came from that direction, which he ignored. The letter came from Henry, and it was already open. The paper had permanent creases along its folds, like it had been read and reread. Kibum skipped over the how are you’s, I’m doing good and things Henry had been doing. Henry complimented some of the pick-up lines while some, he said, were just plain awful.
And at the end, I’m not sure what your letter means, really. And--forget I ever said this if it isn’t, but were you trying to confess? Because if you were, I--you have to promise to forget this if this isn’t the case okay? Promise. Swear it. Make a blood compact on it. I promise never to mention this, ever, on my violin. Okay? You have to promise on something you value that much. Okay. Okay. If it was a confession--I like you, too. I have for a time long now. So. yeah. there. And if it wasn’t, really, please forget this paragraph ever happened. Blood compact, okay. :)
Henry
Despite himself, Kibum grinned. “Look who’s got a boyfriend.”
Amber popped up, her face still red. “Shut up." She grabbed one of pillows and whacked his diaphragm. "I hate you. WHAT DID YOU SEND HIM?”
Kibum protected his stomach from further abuse and rolled over. Amber sat next to him and assaulted his back. "Ow, fuck, how am I supposed to answer if you don't stop abusing me?!" He shrieked.
Amber ceased immediately. Kibum looked at her and shrugged, tossing the letter back to Amber. “Just a letter. I asked him how he was. Told him I, writing as you, were doing fine. Met a guy who looked like me (still writing as you, remember), who Key liked for a little while. Then I just used a lot of the phrases in that English pick-up lines book you gave me.”
He smirked.
Amber lay down next to him and buried her face in his pillow. “Oh god.”
“Oh, come off it.” Kibum moved some more to make space for her on the bed. “You like him.”
“But I didn’t even confess! Seriously, Kibum, that was the rudest thing you’ve ever done.”
One eye glared at him beneath the white sheets.
“Then go confess.” Kibum deadpanned. “Go on Skype, tell him I wrote the letter, watch his face get heart broken, then tell him you like him too.”
“Oh god, you had this all planned out.” Amber hit him again.
“Why are you beating me up?! I should get my mom to throw you out.” Kibum muttered, pulling the covers up and away from Amber.
“Your mom let me in before she left for work.” Amber replied. She shifted and lay straight out next to Kibum, putting the letter over her heart. “So, what’s the latest on Dino boy?”
Kibum’s heart stuttered.
“Your fondness of giving people animal names tells a lot about your character.”
“I still haven’t forgiven you for this,” Amber tapped the letter on her chest. “So spill.”
So Kibum told her.
Ten minutes later, Amber was at him again. “Why are you so stupid? Do you like causing all this just to have a little drama?”
“Hey!” Kibum said. The last one stung.
Amber shut up immediately. “Sorry. Sorry, I didn’t mean the last bit.”
Kibum shrugged. He remained quiet not at all like the feisty Kibum who got over anything.
Amber looked at him. “You really like him, don’t you?”
“I don’t.” Kibum said, pushing the words out of his mouth. “Not anymore.”
Amber’s eyes were soft.
“Don’t look at me like that.” Kibum said agitatedly. He shoved the covers away from them and stood, hands on his hips.
“It’s okay if you still like him you know. And don’t you dare try denying it again, Kibum. I’ve never taken you for a liar.”
Kibum shut his mouth.
“Hell, I know it’s scary--but don’t you think you both deserve a shot at this? Not everyone is lucky enough to have their feelings returned at the right moment and know about it, you know.”
Kibum stared at his bedroom floor, considering, before he looked up and quirked an eyebrow at her.
Amber fought down the flush creeping up her neck again. “Shut up.”
Kibum sighed. “Let’s get some breakfast first. I can’t think properly this time in the morning.” He shuffled out of his room, with the covers around his neck and trailing on the floor. Amber thought he looked like a queen. She grinned at the imagery before following him and muttering about idiots and what does he need to think for, clutching the letter to her chest.
The rhythm flowed into Taemin's body as he moved to the beat. Sweat dripped down to his forehead as he danced, his arms and legs unaware of the strain they’ve been under. He danced even harder when no one was watching, his movements unrestrained by choreography and the need for showmanship, only spurned on by pure need to release tension.
Which was why he was surprised when a rather sharp knock came on his door.
Taemin sat down and blinked at his mother. His mother blinked back at him. She had Taemin’s wide brown eyes and Taemin’s nose. She had a pale complexion and ebony hair.
The music from his speakers blared on.
"I didn't think you'd be at home." His mother told him, leaning on the door frame with her arms crossed.
Taemin shrugged. He wiped the back of his neck with a towel, shoulders heaving from the exertion. "Can I ask you something?"
His mother looked at him, head to the side. "What's going on,honey?"
Taemin twisted the towel in his hands. It left imprints on his skin. "What did you want to be when you were growing up?"
His mother opened her mouth and closed it again. "Well." She walked into the room and sat on the floor, patting the wooden surface next to her. "I wanted to be a journalist."
Taemin scooted closer to her. He blinked as he turned to face her fully, "What?"
She smiled wistuflly. "Mhm. I took up a writing major in university for a couple of years. I was even part of the school paper from high school to university."
Taemin looked at his mother. She had a faraway look in her eyes. It was something he'd never seen on her face before. He felt like he was seeing her for the first time. All his life, he had never asked what his parents what they wanted to be. He’d just assumed they’d followed their dreams because they were so encouraging of his. But what his mother told him was at odds with the life she was living now. Swallowing, he asked:
"So...why didn't you?"
"Oh, that was simple enough. I had to get married to your father."
Taemin looked at his mother, flabbergasted.
She smiled at him. "Don’t look so shocked, honey. Of course, dreams are important--but sometimes, there are things more important than dreams. I admit, at first, I thought I could never be happy, you know? I wasn't opposed to the idea of an arranged marriage but I didn't like that I had to halt my life just to get married. But I was lucky. Your father is a good man and gave me a chance to finish my degree and look for work in the field I chose. I just decided not to--I don’t know why, but it felt right to do so at that time. And besides, I had grown to love your father. And then you came along, and you were such a wonderful blessing. Soon enough, we realized you had so much potential, so much talent that we knew we had to help you cultivate it. And here we are now.”
When she saw that her son looked a little sad and dejected--and she would never know how much her words changed her son at that moment--she placed an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close.
"Your father had always wanted to put up his own real estate business. And he's done it."
"Yeah." Taemin mumbled. So only one of his parents got to follow his dream. He looked at the shiny wooden floor. There was a little irritation in his voice as he said, “But you didn’t get to do what you wanted to.”
He felt like throwing things, kicking his music player until it broke or--dancing. Dancing until he was tired and couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn't breathe.
His mother shook her head. She’d let the slight rudeness pass.
“Sometimes, where life leads you is a far better thing than anything you could have dreamed."
Taemin looked at her, his face a little twisted. His mother’s heart broke a little when she realized her son was growing up. She could see the signs of cynicism and the loss of innocent views hiding in that gaze. She gave him another gentle squeeze.
"Taemin-ah, I don't know what brought this on. But if you want to, you should follow your heart, okay? I don't regret the decisions I've made. If I didn't make them then, I might not have you now. And I would pick you any day over a dream." His mother kissed him on the temple.
Taemin shrugged. His mother ruffled his hair. He winced and waved her hand away as she laughed.
"I'll go make dinner now, okay?"
Taemin nodded. "Can we have steak?" Eating your favorite food was always good.
Her mother smiled at him sweetly from the door. "Of course." The door shut with a click behind her.
Taemin pushed back with his feet, sliding against the floor until his back hit the mirror. He sighed and closed his eyes.
Somehow, that wasn't the way he expected their conversation to go.
Kibum stared at a picture of him and Jonghyun taken earlier that year, back when things were... well, were better between them.
The calendar on his wall ticked off the days of summer vacation. He had more than a week left. His eyes drifted back to the polaroid picture of him and Jonghyun, and his mind replayed the scene in the park in his head. Were Amber and Minho right? Had he really been stupid?
It's not stupid to not want to get hurt.
Kibum nodded. That's right. Only that was what he had wanted for so long and when it came to him, he ran from it like a bunny from a gunshot. Even if he tried to tell himself that it was over, that he felt nothing for Jonghyun except friendship, he knew better. Hell, no one would believe that, least of all himself.
He sighed and fell back on the bed, hands over his eyes.
It was around the fifth day of the break when Minho came around to Taemin’s at the younger ones’ invitation. His mother was wondering why he hadn’t hung out with his friends in a while--and while it probably would have been fun for Taemin to gather everyone up and enjoy all the awkwardness, he didn’t think any of his friends would appreciate it.
Plus, the conversation with his mother a couple of days ago had gotten him thinking and he had decided on something.
Minho shifted on Taemin’s doorstep, hands in side his pants. Taemin held the door open.
Taemin stared at the floor.
Minho said, “Can I come in now?”
Taemin nodded and smiled and they forgave each other the only way teenage boys can.
"The thing is hyung, you aren't chained." Taemin said much later, after they’ve done two rounds of video games. "Not yet."
Minho placed his controller on the floor slowly. He pulled his knees up to his chest and draped his arm over them.
Taemin took a deep breath and ploughed on. "Hyung, you can't live through Kibum hyung forever. It isn't fair to him or to you. I know--what you said before--I know that’s true. I know that now. And I’m not saying that you’re going to be miserable if you choose to be a good son and don’t think solely about yourself. Hell, it can even make you happy, maybe happier."
Minho blinked. Taemin finally looked up at him.
"But I’m asking you to just try, at least once." Taemin's eyes were bright. Minho remembered their talk a few days ago and he suddenly understood that if he said 'No' now, he'd break more of Taemin's hope and optimism about the world.
This was as close as Taemin would come to begging because he wasn’t the kind of person who did. Maybe he’d act cute, sometimes he’d use his age and his looks to be a tad manipulative, but he would never beg. And Minho wasn’t the kind of person who liked giving empty promises.
He swallowed the rock in his throat.
"Taemin-ah, I--"
"Hyung, I know you have responsibilities. But when you look back on your life, would you really, truly, be happy? Would you be content knowing you had a chance to at least try for something that you really wanted and you didn't take it?"
"It's not fair to my parents, Taemin-ah."
"It's not fair to you either."
Taemin was being a bit petulant. He was stubborn as hell.
Unfortunately, Minho was too.
They were both quiet.
"Hyung."
“What.”
“Trying won’t kill you. And it won’t hurt anyone, not enough that they’d hate you forever.”
Minho understood what Taemin didn’t say. When you look back, you’d hate yourself for not taking this chance.
He sighed and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, Taemin was staring at him--eyes wide, sparkling with uncertainty, hope and a definite fierceness.
"Okay." Minho said. Taemin's eyes widened even more and he smiled.
"Just once. If they don't think I'm good enough, I'll accept that this is the life I'm meant to lead."
Taemin nodded. He had done his job. He fingered the star in his pocket. Minho picked up the controller he set on the floor and started choosing a new character.
Taemin watched Minho pick out Liu Kang and waited for the older boy to look at him before he spoke.
“Hyung,” He said. “I think this belongs to you.”
Minho’s eyes widened in shock upon seeing the little trinket. Taemin placed the plastic star on his palm and closed his fingers over it.
“Go after your dream, hyung. I promise it’ll feel like you’re up there in stars.”
Kibum received a text message that night. Yah, I gave you my star.
Kibum’s eyes widened. Minho knew he’d given away the star. This could only mean--he hastily typed back. Do you have it now?
Minho kept him waiting for a full five minutes. If Kibum didn’t receive his reply a second longer, he would have called Minho and demanded to hear an explanation--but he was also armed with an apology in case things didn’t turn out as he hoped they would.
Kibum grinned as a single word flashed up on his screen. Yes.
Two seconds later, in the middle of composing a message, his phone beeped again. Thank you.
Kibum grinned and flopped back down on the bed.
Some things were still good, after all.
They were six days into the two week break. Jonghyun and Jinki would be seniors, and Minho knew Jinki would be working harder than ever to get a scholarship. Jonghyun would most likely try to get into a specialized school for music after senior year, so being a senior wasn't going to affect his study habits much.
It was on the sixth day of break that Jonghyun stood outside Kibum's house, Ipod and speakers in hand. He stood directly under Kibum's window.
He plugged his Ipod into the speaker, made sure the volume was on max on both devices before he pressed play. The beginnings of a quiet guitar solo hummed. He lifted the device above his head.
There I was
thought I had everything figured out
goes to show just how much I know
bout the way life plays out
Kibum was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. His talk with Minho days ago still replaying in his head, and his conversation with Jonghyun playing out before in him on the ceiling. He could see Jonghyun's face, Jonghyun's eyes clearly as if it just happened a few seconds ago. He could even hear the music playing in the park, as if it was really there. But he was pretty sure the song in the park was an R&B one, and this one was--Kibum sat upright in bed.
He could hear Jonghyun's voice, overlapping with the singers and guitar. He looked at his window, curtains closed, wonderingly.
i take one step away
and I find myself coming back
to you
There was a knock on Kibum's door. Kibum started. His mother poked her head in the room.
"Honey, there is a boy on our lawn." She smiled at him knowingly, like all mothers could.
"Uhm." Kibum sputtered, at a loss for words. He was still on his bed. "Okay."
His mother laughed. "I'll prepare some food in case you decide to let him in."
As she shut the door behind her, Kibum stood up and walked over to his window. He lifted the curtains an inch to the side and peeked outside.
Jonghyun was standing there, with his Ipod and speakers above his head. He was wearing a black leather biker jacket over a black shirt, skinny jeans and converse. It wasn't exactly the weather for only a layer of clothing. Jonghyun was looking at his window. Kibum bit his lip.
Oh, if you told me that this wouldn’t be easy
And no, I’m not one to complain
I’d take one step away
But I find myself coming back to you
My one and only, one and only you
Kibum dropped the fraction of curtain he was holding. He leaned against the wall, head resting against the window pane as he listened.
The song was drawing to a close. From where Jonghyun was standing he couldn't see Kibum, couldn't see the small ripple the curtain made at the side. Jonghyun placed the device down, staring hopefully at the window.
When nothing happened, he sighed and moved to pack his things.
He’d gotten everything fixed and was almost out of the Kim’s front yard when he heard the door open. He turned around so fast, he almost dropped everything he was holding. Kibum stood in the doorway, clad in jeans, two shirts and a sweater.
He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Hi.”
Kibum nodded. “Hi.”
Jonghyun walked closer until he and Kibum were within touching distance. Time seemed to stop.
Kibum didn’t say anything. Jonghyun sighed. Finally, Kibum spoke.
“What is all this?” He gestured helplessly to the speakers that Jonghyun still cradled.
Jonghyun, feeling a bit foolish, slowly set the items down. He shrugged. “Did you listen to the song?”
Kibum looked down, to hide the redness that threatened to appear on his face as he recalled the lyrics. “Yes.”
“Then that’s what it is.” Jonghyun said, his hands in his pockets.
Jonghyun’s seeming indifference irked Kibum a little. “You think you’re so cool, don’t you.” He muttered, finally looking up.
Jonghyun looked at him in surprised confusion. “What?”
“I mean, what, coming to my house and playing that song and probably arousing the curiosity of my neighbors--” at this he looked left and saw a curtain quickly being drawn over a window. “and then just leaving? And now you can’t even tell me properly what you think you were doing?”
Kibum took a deep breath. Jonghyun raised his palms in the universal sign of ‘calm down’. “Okay. Okay. See, I was thinking about the park. I’ve been thinking about it over and over everyday, actually. And I realized--well, you said something about this being an experiment.”
He looked at Kibum. Kibum nodded, his heart in his throat.
“It’s not. You’re not.” Jonghyun said, not looking away. “In fact, right now, you’re the thing I feel most sure about.”
Kibum shook his head. “You don’t mean that.”
Jonghyun gave him a funny look. “Who are you to say what I feel and what I think?”
Kibum opened his mouth but Jonghyun continued.
“Maybe you think that I’m only playing with you, or that I’m only trying this out for the kicks, or even being with a boy is just an experiment I have to get out of my system.”
At Kibum’s look, Jonghyun knew he had hit the nail on the head.
“Well it’s not, okay? I’ve told you that I’ve gone through a lot just to even be...there at the park that day and tell you what I told you. And to be here now. The thing is--why do you even think you’re an experiment?” Jonghyun asked, genuinely confused.
Kibum shrugged. He did have a valid reason. “Well, this is new for you and getting together with the first guy you’re attracted to--”
“You’re not.” Jonghyun cut him off, blushing slightly.
“What?”
“You’re not.” Jonghyun repeated. He cleared his throat. “Before, I was attracted one of our hyungs from P.E. He was really pretty too. You can ask Jinki, he figured it out.” The last part was mumbled.
“Oh.” Kibum said. Huh.
“Yeah.”
There was silence again. Jonghyun shifted. Kibum crossed his arms over his chest, as if protecting the already crumbling walls around his heart.
Jonghyun took a deep breath. “Anyway, the thing is, I really do like you, Kibum-ah.” A smile quirked his lips. “Constant complaints and all.”
Kibum sniffed, partly offended. Was this guy seriously confessing or just irritating him? But he couldn’t help the way his heart leapt, like it had strings and was pulled by Jonghyun’s tentative smile.
“I like you. I keep thinking about you. It’ll kill me to go back to school and be ‘just friends’ with you. I know you’re scared--don’t you dare say otherwise, I know you well enough to know when you are. But you have to know that I am too. Scared shitless, even. And I can’t promise not to hurt you and I can’t promise you forever, but I do want to be with you.”
Kibum shivered. Jonghyun’s eyes were eager and intense in their honesty.
It would be so easy to say yes. And have it end in heartbreak.
It would be so easy to say no. And have it end in heartbreak.
Kibum tugged at the ends of his sweater.
“So," Jonghyun took a deep breath. He held his hand out toward Kibum, palm up. "Take a chance on me?"
Kibum took a shaky breath, thinking of all the hurt and pain he’d gone through the past year. He thought of the hollow feeling he’d experienced after rejecting Jonghyun at the park. He thought of getting laughed at and getting dumped over a girl. He looked up into Jonghyun’s eyes. They were really, really beautiful.
"It’s been awhile, Jonghyun-ah. I mean you know, if I still liked you, that would just make me really stupid."
Jonghyun looked at the pavement.
"Good thing I never learn then," Kibum said quietly, and Jonghyun's head snapped up. A grin spread up Jonghyun's face.
They stared at each other for a minute. Finally, Kibum broke the silence.
"Despite what you just did, this isn't a teen movie, you know. We can't just make up and kiss--"
Jonghyun stepped closer. "Why not? We've known each other long enough. We've been dancing around each other long enough."
"As friends! This is different. Let's go out first and see where it goes." Kibum said, arms crossed over his chest once again. He narrowed his eyes at Jonghyun.
"Know what I think?" Jonghyun asked, tilting his head to the side and stepping forward.
"What?"
"I think you're still scared."
Kibum scowled and ignored the little voice in his head that went, hey look Jonghyun's pretty smart after all! "I am not. Let's just try to go about this normally, those movies are sooo unrealistic with the kissing happening so fa--" Kibum never got to finish his sentence because Jonghyun had taken hold of his neck and pressed his mouth against his. Jonghyun kissed slow and sweet, and Kibum could feel the smirk against his face (that bastard). There was no soju this time. Kibum barely registered a click of something before Jonghyun pulled him closer by the waist. Kibum closed his eyes and wrapped both his arms around Jonghyun's neck.
The food could wait.
ok i lied. sort of. i had the epilogue up in this same post, but when i read through this page i realized that the tone and pace of the epilogue is completely different from the chapter, so i'm going to put that in a separate post. soon. if you guys are good, that is. :P
edit: epilogue is now up (check above for link)! cheers everyone :)
gen, au!slice of life
5, 305 words
Kibum waits for the boy with blonde hair who comes in at seven o'clock and five minutes in the morning. One day, the boy looks up, smiles, and the world stops spinning.
Interested? Watch
pusong_kahon for faster updates.Warning/s: High school cliches, making fun of those high school cliches, an abundance of hidden and not-so-hidden pop culture references, and a lot of realism.
notes IT IS FINALLY OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I decided I wanted to write an HS!Jongkey fic, I also decided that I wanted it to have things that other high school fics haven’t tackled. So, here it is. I had no idea if I achieved my goal (but I hope I came close), and I had no idea it would take this long! HAHA. Thank you all for reading and all your lovely, wonderful comments. They've been a great encouragement for me. I KNOW YOU WANT TO READ THE FIC AND PROBABLY AREN'T READING THIS BUT HERE IS A PLAYLIST. These are the songs I listened to to get me writing this particular fic. Mostly composed of songs that remind me of High School, or were famous when I was in High School.
omg it's finally over. I can breathe again.
Chapters Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | Epilogue
CHAPTER 23
Jonghyun didn't break the Bro Code for Jinki. He bought chicken wings and some bottles of soju. Both of them ate and drank (Jinki a little more than Jonghyun) and said nothing. The Han River reflected the lights of the city in front of them. They'd gone through the bucket when Jonghyun spoke, a little quietly.
"Maybe on White Day--"
Jinki cut him off with a shake of his head and a small smile. "Nah."
The stars sparkled up in the sky and the night breeze enveloped them both. Jonghyun was wearing a black sweater with Crayon Shin Chan on it. Jinki was wearing a yellow sweater and blue jeans. He tugged at the striped beanie on his head. The city of Seoul was alive with love and life below them.
Jonghyun knew it was not a good time to bring it up, not when he was the one who was supposed to be comforting Jinki, but--
“Kibum said no.”
Jinki looked at him, surprise written on his features. “Really?”
“Yeah. Said he didn’t like me that way anymore.”
Jinki blinked. He cocked his head to the side. Jonghyun couldn't read his eyes when he said, “Well, at least that’s better. Much better than ‘You’re a great guy and I have fun when I’m with you but first year in university is really busy and I don’t know if I can be in a relationship right now.’”
Jinki stopped and took a deep breath. He shook his head.
“How’s that much better?” Jonghyun said incredulously. He drank some soju, the liquid splashing inside the green bottle.
Jinki shrugged. “You get closure. You get a ‘no’ instead of a lingering hope that someday, maybe when she’s ready...”
He shifted and pressed his knees close to his chest. Jonghyun looked at him. The water rippled. Jinki extended an arm to his side, grasped his soju bottle and drank, his throat bobbing as the liquid went down.
“Not really.” Jonghyun finally said. He dropped his empty bottle on the grass and opened a new one. He tossed the bottle opener on the grass between them.
“You still want to?”
“Don’t you?”
A smile. “Touche.”
It was weird, speaking in unfinished sentences and understanding each other. Jinki wondered if it had to do with some universal, cosmic language of having your heart broken.
Jinki lay back on the grass and stared up at the stars. Jonghyun kept quiet beside him, still drinking. Jinki looked at the twinkling expanse of the night and wondered how many heartaches they’ve seen, how many wishes of love they held. He thought of making a wish, like he used to do when he was younger (when he was innocent and happier) but he knew that scientifically, the stars visible to the human eye are dead and wishes don’t come true. Jinki smiled a little, because it seemed the more he learned, the more he felt like he lost part of the things that made his childhood wonderful.
(Later on, Jinki would learn that sometimes, life just worked that way. That even when you’re totally sure of your feelings for someone, that someone might still be in a place of finding herself, of figuring out if she’s ready. That affection isn’t enough for two people to want to be together. That is perfectly possible for two people to be in the same but different place at the same time.
Jinki would learn that everything in life was all up to choices. That you’d choose the battles you fight--and you choose the ones you let go. And even when you’ve made all the choices you wanted to, the choices of other people will affect you as well, whether you know it or not, whether you want it to or not.
Jinki would learn that life was still one big game of chance, no matter how many or how important the choices he made were. And much later on, he would learn that it was what made life worth it.)
Jinki wished on the star anyway.
Jonghyun looked at Jinki and raised his bottle half-empty bottle of soju. "To the next school year."
Jinki smiled and sat up as he picked up his own bottle from the grass. "To love."
They toasted, the bright lights of Seoul and stars as their witness.
A lot of things happened that end of the year break. The new school term would start in two weeks time, on March first. Two weeks was a short time--but in the way that only life decides if any day is different from the rest in a person’s life, those two weeks came to mean everything for Kibum.
Everything was still and peaceful in the Kim’s household. The door to Kibum’s room remained closed, the paint peeling of the top corner. Breakfast was set on the island in the kitchen with a note next to it, informing the sole inhabitant that his mother had gone to work.
"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU LIZARD."
The door to Kibum’s room flew open with a bang. It was nine-thirty in the morning on a Tuesday. They were on vacation. Kibum slept.
“OY!” Amber yelled and pounced on the prone figure on the bed.
“OW!” Kibum screeched as Amber landed on his midsection. His eyes snapped open.
Amber glared at him. He glared back as soon as his vision adjusted to the light. A heavy weight settled on his stomach, and he knew it wasn’t because of the girl currently trying to kill him. He’d been waking up with a heavy feeling surrounding him for a few days now. He knew the feeling would pass but he couldn’t help feeling as if he couldn’t be properly happy for a long, long time.
He picked his phone up from his bedside table, unmindful of the girl currently astride his legs. He glared daggers at Amber upon seeing the time. “Do you know what time it is?!”
Amber’s face was red from anger. She held up a white envelope in her hand. “I got this in the mail today, you fucker.” She slapped it on his chest.
“What do I care about your mail?” Kibum retorted. He didn’t move from his lying position.
Amber pinched his side, hard.
“Ow!” Kibum picked up the letter, glanced at the address and immediately understood. He grinned mischievously, heavy feelings brought about by tumultuous friendships and confessions pushed to the back of his mind. Where it waved at him. His smile dropped a little--it seemed like all the little things that would give him great joy before only gave him minutes of happiness now before they were drowned by that horrible dark feeling. God, he was turning into an emo kid. So not cool.
“What’d he say?”
Amber flushed even harder. Her gaze dropped to her lap. And then up at his crotch, where she knew it would hurt if she kneed him. “You are such an evil, evil--”
Kibum saw the look in her eye and he twisted his legs, forcing her off his body and onto the floor. A muffled "Fuck!" came from that direction, which he ignored. The letter came from Henry, and it was already open. The paper had permanent creases along its folds, like it had been read and reread. Kibum skipped over the how are you’s, I’m doing good and things Henry had been doing. Henry complimented some of the pick-up lines while some, he said, were just plain awful.
And at the end, I’m not sure what your letter means, really. And--forget I ever said this if it isn’t, but were you trying to confess? Because if you were, I--you have to promise to forget this if this isn’t the case okay? Promise. Swear it. Make a blood compact on it. I promise never to mention this, ever, on my violin. Okay? You have to promise on something you value that much. Okay. Okay. If it was a confession--I like you, too. I have for a time long now. So. yeah. there. And if it wasn’t, really, please forget this paragraph ever happened. Blood compact, okay. :)
Henry
Despite himself, Kibum grinned. “Look who’s got a boyfriend.”
Amber popped up, her face still red. “Shut up." She grabbed one of pillows and whacked his diaphragm. "I hate you. WHAT DID YOU SEND HIM?”
Kibum protected his stomach from further abuse and rolled over. Amber sat next to him and assaulted his back. "Ow, fuck, how am I supposed to answer if you don't stop abusing me?!" He shrieked.
Amber ceased immediately. Kibum looked at her and shrugged, tossing the letter back to Amber. “Just a letter. I asked him how he was. Told him I, writing as you, were doing fine. Met a guy who looked like me (still writing as you, remember), who Key liked for a little while. Then I just used a lot of the phrases in that English pick-up lines book you gave me.”
He smirked.
Amber lay down next to him and buried her face in his pillow. “Oh god.”
“Oh, come off it.” Kibum moved some more to make space for her on the bed. “You like him.”
“But I didn’t even confess! Seriously, Kibum, that was the rudest thing you’ve ever done.”
One eye glared at him beneath the white sheets.
“Then go confess.” Kibum deadpanned. “Go on Skype, tell him I wrote the letter, watch his face get heart broken, then tell him you like him too.”
“Oh god, you had this all planned out.” Amber hit him again.
“Why are you beating me up?! I should get my mom to throw you out.” Kibum muttered, pulling the covers up and away from Amber.
“Your mom let me in before she left for work.” Amber replied. She shifted and lay straight out next to Kibum, putting the letter over her heart. “So, what’s the latest on Dino boy?”
Kibum’s heart stuttered.
“Your fondness of giving people animal names tells a lot about your character.”
“I still haven’t forgiven you for this,” Amber tapped the letter on her chest. “So spill.”
So Kibum told her.
Ten minutes later, Amber was at him again. “Why are you so stupid? Do you like causing all this just to have a little drama?”
“Hey!” Kibum said. The last one stung.
Amber shut up immediately. “Sorry. Sorry, I didn’t mean the last bit.”
Kibum shrugged. He remained quiet not at all like the feisty Kibum who got over anything.
Amber looked at him. “You really like him, don’t you?”
“I don’t.” Kibum said, pushing the words out of his mouth. “Not anymore.”
Amber’s eyes were soft.
“Don’t look at me like that.” Kibum said agitatedly. He shoved the covers away from them and stood, hands on his hips.
“It’s okay if you still like him you know. And don’t you dare try denying it again, Kibum. I’ve never taken you for a liar.”
Kibum shut his mouth.
“Hell, I know it’s scary--but don’t you think you both deserve a shot at this? Not everyone is lucky enough to have their feelings returned at the right moment and know about it, you know.”
Kibum stared at his bedroom floor, considering, before he looked up and quirked an eyebrow at her.
Amber fought down the flush creeping up her neck again. “Shut up.”
Kibum sighed. “Let’s get some breakfast first. I can’t think properly this time in the morning.” He shuffled out of his room, with the covers around his neck and trailing on the floor. Amber thought he looked like a queen. She grinned at the imagery before following him and muttering about idiots and what does he need to think for, clutching the letter to her chest.
The rhythm flowed into Taemin's body as he moved to the beat. Sweat dripped down to his forehead as he danced, his arms and legs unaware of the strain they’ve been under. He danced even harder when no one was watching, his movements unrestrained by choreography and the need for showmanship, only spurned on by pure need to release tension.
Which was why he was surprised when a rather sharp knock came on his door.
Taemin sat down and blinked at his mother. His mother blinked back at him. She had Taemin’s wide brown eyes and Taemin’s nose. She had a pale complexion and ebony hair.
The music from his speakers blared on.
"I didn't think you'd be at home." His mother told him, leaning on the door frame with her arms crossed.
Taemin shrugged. He wiped the back of his neck with a towel, shoulders heaving from the exertion. "Can I ask you something?"
His mother looked at him, head to the side. "What's going on,honey?"
Taemin twisted the towel in his hands. It left imprints on his skin. "What did you want to be when you were growing up?"
His mother opened her mouth and closed it again. "Well." She walked into the room and sat on the floor, patting the wooden surface next to her. "I wanted to be a journalist."
Taemin scooted closer to her. He blinked as he turned to face her fully, "What?"
She smiled wistuflly. "Mhm. I took up a writing major in university for a couple of years. I was even part of the school paper from high school to university."
Taemin looked at his mother. She had a faraway look in her eyes. It was something he'd never seen on her face before. He felt like he was seeing her for the first time. All his life, he had never asked what his parents what they wanted to be. He’d just assumed they’d followed their dreams because they were so encouraging of his. But what his mother told him was at odds with the life she was living now. Swallowing, he asked:
"So...why didn't you?"
"Oh, that was simple enough. I had to get married to your father."
Taemin looked at his mother, flabbergasted.
She smiled at him. "Don’t look so shocked, honey. Of course, dreams are important--but sometimes, there are things more important than dreams. I admit, at first, I thought I could never be happy, you know? I wasn't opposed to the idea of an arranged marriage but I didn't like that I had to halt my life just to get married. But I was lucky. Your father is a good man and gave me a chance to finish my degree and look for work in the field I chose. I just decided not to--I don’t know why, but it felt right to do so at that time. And besides, I had grown to love your father. And then you came along, and you were such a wonderful blessing. Soon enough, we realized you had so much potential, so much talent that we knew we had to help you cultivate it. And here we are now.”
When she saw that her son looked a little sad and dejected--and she would never know how much her words changed her son at that moment--she placed an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close.
"Your father had always wanted to put up his own real estate business. And he's done it."
"Yeah." Taemin mumbled. So only one of his parents got to follow his dream. He looked at the shiny wooden floor. There was a little irritation in his voice as he said, “But you didn’t get to do what you wanted to.”
He felt like throwing things, kicking his music player until it broke or--dancing. Dancing until he was tired and couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn't breathe.
His mother shook her head. She’d let the slight rudeness pass.
“Sometimes, where life leads you is a far better thing than anything you could have dreamed."
Taemin looked at her, his face a little twisted. His mother’s heart broke a little when she realized her son was growing up. She could see the signs of cynicism and the loss of innocent views hiding in that gaze. She gave him another gentle squeeze.
"Taemin-ah, I don't know what brought this on. But if you want to, you should follow your heart, okay? I don't regret the decisions I've made. If I didn't make them then, I might not have you now. And I would pick you any day over a dream." His mother kissed him on the temple.
Taemin shrugged. His mother ruffled his hair. He winced and waved her hand away as she laughed.
"I'll go make dinner now, okay?"
Taemin nodded. "Can we have steak?" Eating your favorite food was always good.
Her mother smiled at him sweetly from the door. "Of course." The door shut with a click behind her.
Taemin pushed back with his feet, sliding against the floor until his back hit the mirror. He sighed and closed his eyes.
Somehow, that wasn't the way he expected their conversation to go.
Kibum stared at a picture of him and Jonghyun taken earlier that year, back when things were... well, were better between them.
The calendar on his wall ticked off the days of summer vacation. He had more than a week left. His eyes drifted back to the polaroid picture of him and Jonghyun, and his mind replayed the scene in the park in his head. Were Amber and Minho right? Had he really been stupid?
It's not stupid to not want to get hurt.
Kibum nodded. That's right. Only that was what he had wanted for so long and when it came to him, he ran from it like a bunny from a gunshot. Even if he tried to tell himself that it was over, that he felt nothing for Jonghyun except friendship, he knew better. Hell, no one would believe that, least of all himself.
He sighed and fell back on the bed, hands over his eyes.
It was around the fifth day of the break when Minho came around to Taemin’s at the younger ones’ invitation. His mother was wondering why he hadn’t hung out with his friends in a while--and while it probably would have been fun for Taemin to gather everyone up and enjoy all the awkwardness, he didn’t think any of his friends would appreciate it.
Plus, the conversation with his mother a couple of days ago had gotten him thinking and he had decided on something.
Minho shifted on Taemin’s doorstep, hands in side his pants. Taemin held the door open.
Taemin stared at the floor.
Minho said, “Can I come in now?”
Taemin nodded and smiled and they forgave each other the only way teenage boys can.
"The thing is hyung, you aren't chained." Taemin said much later, after they’ve done two rounds of video games. "Not yet."
Minho placed his controller on the floor slowly. He pulled his knees up to his chest and draped his arm over them.
Taemin took a deep breath and ploughed on. "Hyung, you can't live through Kibum hyung forever. It isn't fair to him or to you. I know--what you said before--I know that’s true. I know that now. And I’m not saying that you’re going to be miserable if you choose to be a good son and don’t think solely about yourself. Hell, it can even make you happy, maybe happier."
Minho blinked. Taemin finally looked up at him.
"But I’m asking you to just try, at least once." Taemin's eyes were bright. Minho remembered their talk a few days ago and he suddenly understood that if he said 'No' now, he'd break more of Taemin's hope and optimism about the world.
This was as close as Taemin would come to begging because he wasn’t the kind of person who did. Maybe he’d act cute, sometimes he’d use his age and his looks to be a tad manipulative, but he would never beg. And Minho wasn’t the kind of person who liked giving empty promises.
He swallowed the rock in his throat.
"Taemin-ah, I--"
"Hyung, I know you have responsibilities. But when you look back on your life, would you really, truly, be happy? Would you be content knowing you had a chance to at least try for something that you really wanted and you didn't take it?"
"It's not fair to my parents, Taemin-ah."
"It's not fair to you either."
Taemin was being a bit petulant. He was stubborn as hell.
Unfortunately, Minho was too.
They were both quiet.
"Hyung."
“What.”
“Trying won’t kill you. And it won’t hurt anyone, not enough that they’d hate you forever.”
Minho understood what Taemin didn’t say. When you look back, you’d hate yourself for not taking this chance.
He sighed and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, Taemin was staring at him--eyes wide, sparkling with uncertainty, hope and a definite fierceness.
"Okay." Minho said. Taemin's eyes widened even more and he smiled.
"Just once. If they don't think I'm good enough, I'll accept that this is the life I'm meant to lead."
Taemin nodded. He had done his job. He fingered the star in his pocket. Minho picked up the controller he set on the floor and started choosing a new character.
Taemin watched Minho pick out Liu Kang and waited for the older boy to look at him before he spoke.
“Hyung,” He said. “I think this belongs to you.”
Minho’s eyes widened in shock upon seeing the little trinket. Taemin placed the plastic star on his palm and closed his fingers over it.
“Go after your dream, hyung. I promise it’ll feel like you’re up there in stars.”
Kibum received a text message that night. Yah, I gave you my star.
Kibum’s eyes widened. Minho knew he’d given away the star. This could only mean--he hastily typed back. Do you have it now?
Minho kept him waiting for a full five minutes. If Kibum didn’t receive his reply a second longer, he would have called Minho and demanded to hear an explanation--but he was also armed with an apology in case things didn’t turn out as he hoped they would.
Kibum grinned as a single word flashed up on his screen. Yes.
Two seconds later, in the middle of composing a message, his phone beeped again. Thank you.
Kibum grinned and flopped back down on the bed.
Some things were still good, after all.
They were six days into the two week break. Jonghyun and Jinki would be seniors, and Minho knew Jinki would be working harder than ever to get a scholarship. Jonghyun would most likely try to get into a specialized school for music after senior year, so being a senior wasn't going to affect his study habits much.
It was on the sixth day of break that Jonghyun stood outside Kibum's house, Ipod and speakers in hand. He stood directly under Kibum's window.
He plugged his Ipod into the speaker, made sure the volume was on max on both devices before he pressed play. The beginnings of a quiet guitar solo hummed. He lifted the device above his head.
There I was
thought I had everything figured out
goes to show just how much I know
bout the way life plays out
Kibum was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. His talk with Minho days ago still replaying in his head, and his conversation with Jonghyun playing out before in him on the ceiling. He could see Jonghyun's face, Jonghyun's eyes clearly as if it just happened a few seconds ago. He could even hear the music playing in the park, as if it was really there. But he was pretty sure the song in the park was an R&B one, and this one was--Kibum sat upright in bed.
He could hear Jonghyun's voice, overlapping with the singers and guitar. He looked at his window, curtains closed, wonderingly.
i take one step away
and I find myself coming back
to you
There was a knock on Kibum's door. Kibum started. His mother poked her head in the room.
"Honey, there is a boy on our lawn." She smiled at him knowingly, like all mothers could.
"Uhm." Kibum sputtered, at a loss for words. He was still on his bed. "Okay."
His mother laughed. "I'll prepare some food in case you decide to let him in."
As she shut the door behind her, Kibum stood up and walked over to his window. He lifted the curtains an inch to the side and peeked outside.
Jonghyun was standing there, with his Ipod and speakers above his head. He was wearing a black leather biker jacket over a black shirt, skinny jeans and converse. It wasn't exactly the weather for only a layer of clothing. Jonghyun was looking at his window. Kibum bit his lip.
Oh, if you told me that this wouldn’t be easy
And no, I’m not one to complain
I’d take one step away
But I find myself coming back to you
My one and only, one and only you
Kibum dropped the fraction of curtain he was holding. He leaned against the wall, head resting against the window pane as he listened.
The song was drawing to a close. From where Jonghyun was standing he couldn't see Kibum, couldn't see the small ripple the curtain made at the side. Jonghyun placed the device down, staring hopefully at the window.
When nothing happened, he sighed and moved to pack his things.
He’d gotten everything fixed and was almost out of the Kim’s front yard when he heard the door open. He turned around so fast, he almost dropped everything he was holding. Kibum stood in the doorway, clad in jeans, two shirts and a sweater.
He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Hi.”
Kibum nodded. “Hi.”
Jonghyun walked closer until he and Kibum were within touching distance. Time seemed to stop.
Kibum didn’t say anything. Jonghyun sighed. Finally, Kibum spoke.
“What is all this?” He gestured helplessly to the speakers that Jonghyun still cradled.
Jonghyun, feeling a bit foolish, slowly set the items down. He shrugged. “Did you listen to the song?”
Kibum looked down, to hide the redness that threatened to appear on his face as he recalled the lyrics. “Yes.”
“Then that’s what it is.” Jonghyun said, his hands in his pockets.
Jonghyun’s seeming indifference irked Kibum a little. “You think you’re so cool, don’t you.” He muttered, finally looking up.
Jonghyun looked at him in surprised confusion. “What?”
“I mean, what, coming to my house and playing that song and probably arousing the curiosity of my neighbors--” at this he looked left and saw a curtain quickly being drawn over a window. “and then just leaving? And now you can’t even tell me properly what you think you were doing?”
Kibum took a deep breath. Jonghyun raised his palms in the universal sign of ‘calm down’. “Okay. Okay. See, I was thinking about the park. I’ve been thinking about it over and over everyday, actually. And I realized--well, you said something about this being an experiment.”
He looked at Kibum. Kibum nodded, his heart in his throat.
“It’s not. You’re not.” Jonghyun said, not looking away. “In fact, right now, you’re the thing I feel most sure about.”
Kibum shook his head. “You don’t mean that.”
Jonghyun gave him a funny look. “Who are you to say what I feel and what I think?”
Kibum opened his mouth but Jonghyun continued.
“Maybe you think that I’m only playing with you, or that I’m only trying this out for the kicks, or even being with a boy is just an experiment I have to get out of my system.”
At Kibum’s look, Jonghyun knew he had hit the nail on the head.
“Well it’s not, okay? I’ve told you that I’ve gone through a lot just to even be...there at the park that day and tell you what I told you. And to be here now. The thing is--why do you even think you’re an experiment?” Jonghyun asked, genuinely confused.
Kibum shrugged. He did have a valid reason. “Well, this is new for you and getting together with the first guy you’re attracted to--”
“You’re not.” Jonghyun cut him off, blushing slightly.
“What?”
“You’re not.” Jonghyun repeated. He cleared his throat. “Before, I was attracted one of our hyungs from P.E. He was really pretty too. You can ask Jinki, he figured it out.” The last part was mumbled.
“Oh.” Kibum said. Huh.
“Yeah.”
There was silence again. Jonghyun shifted. Kibum crossed his arms over his chest, as if protecting the already crumbling walls around his heart.
Jonghyun took a deep breath. “Anyway, the thing is, I really do like you, Kibum-ah.” A smile quirked his lips. “Constant complaints and all.”
Kibum sniffed, partly offended. Was this guy seriously confessing or just irritating him? But he couldn’t help the way his heart leapt, like it had strings and was pulled by Jonghyun’s tentative smile.
“I like you. I keep thinking about you. It’ll kill me to go back to school and be ‘just friends’ with you. I know you’re scared--don’t you dare say otherwise, I know you well enough to know when you are. But you have to know that I am too. Scared shitless, even. And I can’t promise not to hurt you and I can’t promise you forever, but I do want to be with you.”
Kibum shivered. Jonghyun’s eyes were eager and intense in their honesty.
It would be so easy to say yes. And have it end in heartbreak.
It would be so easy to say no. And have it end in heartbreak.
Kibum tugged at the ends of his sweater.
“So," Jonghyun took a deep breath. He held his hand out toward Kibum, palm up. "Take a chance on me?"
Kibum took a shaky breath, thinking of all the hurt and pain he’d gone through the past year. He thought of the hollow feeling he’d experienced after rejecting Jonghyun at the park. He thought of getting laughed at and getting dumped over a girl. He looked up into Jonghyun’s eyes. They were really, really beautiful.
"It’s been awhile, Jonghyun-ah. I mean you know, if I still liked you, that would just make me really stupid."
Jonghyun looked at the pavement.
"Good thing I never learn then," Kibum said quietly, and Jonghyun's head snapped up. A grin spread up Jonghyun's face.
They stared at each other for a minute. Finally, Kibum broke the silence.
"Despite what you just did, this isn't a teen movie, you know. We can't just make up and kiss--"
Jonghyun stepped closer. "Why not? We've known each other long enough. We've been dancing around each other long enough."
"As friends! This is different. Let's go out first and see where it goes." Kibum said, arms crossed over his chest once again. He narrowed his eyes at Jonghyun.
"Know what I think?" Jonghyun asked, tilting his head to the side and stepping forward.
"What?"
"I think you're still scared."
Kibum scowled and ignored the little voice in his head that went, hey look Jonghyun's pretty smart after all! "I am not. Let's just try to go about this normally, those movies are sooo unrealistic with the kissing happening so fa--" Kibum never got to finish his sentence because Jonghyun had taken hold of his neck and pressed his mouth against his. Jonghyun kissed slow and sweet, and Kibum could feel the smirk against his face (that bastard). There was no soju this time. Kibum barely registered a click of something before Jonghyun pulled him closer by the waist. Kibum closed his eyes and wrapped both his arms around Jonghyun's neck.
The food could wait.
ok i lied. sort of. i had the epilogue up in this same post, but when i read through this page i realized that the tone and pace of the epilogue is completely different from the chapter, so i'm going to put that in a separate post. soon. if you guys are good, that is. :P
edit: epilogue is now up (check above for link)! cheers everyone :)