instead of running 'round

[jecca-o9.livejournal.com]

instead of running 'round
jonghyun/key 8,659 words. _{saklf T_T}
He was working everyday down the street, selling flowers--pretending he was blind.
_{And it rains a lot, and coffee is involved. A jacket is also stolen in the process.}

notes Inspired by this song. I've wanted to write something from that song for a long time--and by long, I mean I was still shipping (& writing) Sango and Miroku back in sixth grade--so here it is. This is longest one shot I've ever written--it just wouldn't end. I don't like it that much, tbh. :/
And this monstrosity is for Laura black_goose. Because she wants it.

Jonghyun passed by a certain street everyday on the way to his apartment. This block was filled with vendors and artists selling their craft, camped out on the pavement. The seasons change, and so do the people on that street. They move to other places, or they run out of business. It's not like Jonghyun had ever noticed.

But today was different.

He was running late this morning. He shoved his hand in his coat pocket absently as he hurried down the street of artists and sellers. A street of broken dreams.

"Shit," he muttered when he realized his pocket was empty. He checked his other pocket to make sure, but there was only loose change. No metro card. He pulled his hand out abruptly, and the sudden movement caused a couple of coins to fall from his pocket.

"Shit," he said again, as the coins rolled on the pavement on a quest for freedom. He managed to step on one with his foot, while the other rolled to a stop next to someone selling flowers.

"Sorry, could I have it back please?" He asked the flower vendor, his eyes trained on the floor. A bunch of pink and white carnations were in a blue bucket in front of him. Another one was filled with pink roses, and another with gerbera daisies.

"What?" the other said from his stool. He looked blankly at some point behind Jonghyun's shoulder.

"My money," Jonghyun clarified. He spared a glance at the vendor.

He's new, Jonghyun thought. Haven't seen that face on this street before. He cocked his head to the side, observing the other boy's features. He was kind of pretty, with high cheekbones and thin lips.

Jonghyun would definitely have remembered a face like that.

The other boy still wasn't looking at him, a small crease appearing between his brows. "The one that made the dropping sound earlier?" he asked.

Jonghyun gave him a weird look, wondering why the other wasn't looking at his face.

"Yes," he replied, "If you could just pick it up, I'm in a hurry."

"Where is it then?" the other said, a touch of irritation in his voice.

"Right next to your foot," Jonghyun pointed at the coin. It was right next to the other's pink converse sneaker.

The vendor reached a hand down tentatively and patted the cool asphalt beside him. Finally, his fingers clasped the round silver.

"Here," he said, extending his hand to where he could hear Jonghyun's voice. It was a few inches to the left from where Jonghyun was actually standing.

Shit, Jonghyun thought for the third time in five minutes as realization hit him. Jonghyun took the coin from the others hand, fingers brushing.

"Sorry," he said ,a touch embarrassed. "I didn't know you were.."

A look of disbelief crossed the others face. "Are you serious?"

Jonghyun flushed, glad that the other couldn't see him. "Well, I wasn't paying attention and I'm running late, so--shit, I'm late. I'll see you later."

And he dashed off.




Jonghyun was in the subway before he realized what he said. He was never the type to make promises to strangers. He didn't even know the others name. And then he winced as he remembered the events because he really looked like a douche.

He tried not to think of pink converse and uniquely colored hair on his way to the studio.




When Jonghyun got home that night, all the vendors had packed up and left. Jonghyun was too exhausted from learning the choreography of his group's new single to notice.




The next day was a better day. He wasn't late, for starters. It took him a while; the street was littered with plenty of people who sold the same things. He was lucky the one he was looking for had memorable features (and was also stuck in his head the most of last night, but that was beside the point). He had brown hair with red and green highlights and a pretty face. And he was blind. He stopped in front of the flower vendor.

"Hi," Jonghyun said. He gave his best grin.

And then he remembered that the other couldn't see him. The flower vendor nodded absently.

"I'm Kim Jonghyun. I... made you pick up my money yesterday," Jonghyun said, confidence faltering. He was suddenly unsure of how to introduce himself.

"Oh, I remember you. You're the one who didn't know I was blind," the other said, humor in his voice.

"You don't look blind," Jonghyun said, a little defensively. The other boy frowned, lips pursed.

"Why are you here, anyway?" He asked, hand reaching out blindly to grip the carnations on his left.

"Sorry," Jonghyun said, "That was out of line. I'm here to buy flowers of course," And gave off another one of his grins. Then a frown creased his forehead as he remembered. I have to stop doing that, Jonghyun thought. Wow, it's so hard to flirt when the other person can't see you.

Jonghyun ended up picking pink and white carnations. He paid for the flowers, and watched as the other wrapped it up in a neat bouquet. He took the flowers from the others outstretched hand. He looked at the boy, who was wearing his pink converse again and a loose pink top that showed his shoulder.

"Here," Jonghyun said. He handed him the flowers. A look of puzzlement crossed the boy's face. He looked at the flowers for a nanosecond, then went back to staring blankly. Jonghyun blinked, unsure if that happened.

"I don't understand,"

"It's for you. To apologize, I was an ass yesterday."

"Oh," He said. A slight red tinge crept up his cheeks. "Thank you." A small smile found it's way on his face.

Jonghyun's heart skipped a beat. He took a deep breath before he grinned again. "I have to go now, I'll take to you later--?"

"Kibum," The boy with pretty lips said. He raises his hand up in a wave, the other hand still clutching the carnations.

"Kibum." The smile on Jonghyun's face was genuine now. He headed to the subway station. He didn't know if he imagined it, but he could have sworn he heard a muttered, "You could've taken me for coffee or something, you know."




It had been a week since. Jonghyun finished work early which was an extreme rarity. He was on the platform to change trains home when he noticed a flash of green and red in the corner of his eye. His head spun to follow the source of the color. Sure enough, there he was on the dirty platform. He was wearing a loose blue sleeveless top over a black wifebeater and dark jeans. He was helping an old man get on the opposite train.

Huh, Jonghyun thought as watched the scene with interest. He removed his headphones from his ears and let it rest on his shoulders. The old man thanked Kibum, and Kibum smiled and bowed at him. The train shut its doors and sped off. Kibum turned around and walked confidently to Jonghyun's side of the platform. He leaned against one of the platform's pillars, arms crossed. He looked like he was waiting for the other train. Jonghyun grinned, head cocked to the side in thought. He walked over to Kibum and tapped his shoulder. Kibum spun around, frowning. He froze when he saw him.

Jonghyun grinned at him, all teeth.

"Hi," He said.

Kibum's eyes darted left, then right. He gulped. "Hey," he frowned. "Who are you, again?" The blank look is back on his face.

Jonghyun almost laughed. He gave an easy grin instead and reintroduced himself as the douche from a week ago. The train arrived.

"This is my train," Kibum said as the PA system announced the line and destination of the train.

"Great. It's mine too," Jonghyun said, grin still in place.

They entered the train. Kibum was still pretending to be blind, and Jonghyun was still humoring Kibum. He helped him get on by placing a hand on the small of his back. He steered Kibum to a seat and stood in front of him. He pulled his headphones back on as the train filled with people. Jonghyun watched an elderly woman get on at the next stop. There were no more seats left. Kibum moved to stand up, but Jonghyun put his hand on his shoulder. His other hand pulled his headphones down. He looked straight into Kibum's eyes and said, "Hey, where are you going? It's dangerous for you to go wandering around when you can't see."

A look of disbelief crossed Kibum's features.

"The train feels full," Kibum said, voice laced with steel. "There might be someone who needs this seat more than I do." He stood up and tried to maneuver around Jonghyun, his gaze fixed on the wall the other side of the subway. Jonghyun caught his wrist and lifted his hand to the hand hold. His other hand rested on Kibum's waist.

"Bless you," The old woman said and took Kibum's seat.

Kibum elbowed his side, knocking his arm off. "I'm blind, not lame." He muttered.

"Better to be safe than sorry." Jonghyun replied, and put his arm around Kibum's waist again.




"Oh fine!" Kibum said, exasperated as they got off the crowded train. They stood on the platform. Jonghyun's arm was still on his waist. "I'm not blind, are you happy now?"

Jonghyun laughed, eyes crinkling at the corners. "Very,"

Kibum gave him a weird look. "You're weird," he stated, hand smoothing his hair down.

Jonghyun's eyes followed the action. He had the sudden urge to touch it to see if it was as silky as it looked. He blinked. Where did that come from?

Kibum started walking towards the exit. Jonghyun followed. They were greeted by the sight of rain coming down in buckets.

"Shit, it's raining." Kibum said. He didn't have a bag or anything on him.

Jonghyun grinned. He took his jacket off. "Do you want to get some coffee?"




Kibum watched the raindrops make their way down the shop window. Outside, the pavement was damp and the skies were gray. People with colorful umbrellas walked the streets. Kibum brushed his left arm off stray raindrops with a napkin. Jonghyun's jacket couldn't cover both of them completely.

"So what's your story?" Jonghyun asked, placing two cups off steaming espresso in front of them. Kibum warmed his hands on his cup gratefully.

"You're Kim Jonghyun from that boyband," Kibum said. The smile dropped from Jonghyun's face.

"I'm not," Jonghyun denied, shoulders tensing. His hands gripped the handle of his cup tightly.

Kibum snorted. "The barista just asked for your autograph. And I've known since I saw you, that first day. I'm not really blind, we've established that already."

Jonghyun's shoulders lagged. "Yeah, I am." He muttered.

"Is it true your band's going to break up soon?" Kibum asked.

Jonghyun shot him a dark look. "I'm not allowed to talk about that and I would rather not talk about it."

Kibum shrugged. "And you ask about my life story."

"Fair enough," Jonghyun muttered. "I just wanted to get to know you, is all."

Silence settled over their table. Jonghyun looked at his cup darkly, as if it was the espressos fault. Kibum looked out the window again. He watched as a girl holding a red umbrella stopped across the street. She fumbled with her bag and pulled out a cellphone. A huge grin blossomed on her face as she talked. A boy carrying a black umbrella walked up behind her. The girl spun around, laughed and threw herself into the guy's arms.

Kibum looked down at the cream on his espresso.

"I'm from Daegu."

Jonghyun looked up at him.

"I came to Seoul to be a dancer. I didn't have money, so I worked a lot of jobs part time. One of them was selling flowers. I got an audition for your company," He grinned at Jonghyun, a little humorlessly. "I didn't get in."

Silence settled over the table again, less awkward this time.

"Sorry," Jonghyun said.

Kibum shrugged. "I ran away from home to pursue my dream. I can't go back there now, without something to show. So, here I am, selling flowers."

Kibum smoothed his hair with his hand. He checked his reflection on the shop window.

"And the blindness?"

"I found that people buy from me more often if I'm helpless." Kibum said matter-of-factly. "It's despicable, I know. But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

Jonghyun chuckled. "And what happens if people find out?"

Kibum shrugged. "I'll move to another street, I guess. That's a perk of being a normal person; it'll be hard to remember me. Although I have to say, this street is the best one I've been to by far. People who pass by there are extremely generous."

Kibum drained the rest of his coffee. Jonghyun looked at him, interest and something else in his eyes.

"The rain's stopped," Jonghyun said, sparing a glance out the window.

"Yeah."




They lingered outside the coffee shop. Jonghyun was wearing his backpack, jacket slung over his arm.

"I live that way, so." Kibum motioned south.

Jonghyun nodded. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds, air getting thicker with tension, before Kibum looked away, a slight tinge of red on his cheeks. He arranged a couple of strands of his hair, resolutely not looking at Jonghyun. Jonghyun shifted his weight to his other foot. Wordlessly, he handed his jacket to Kibum.

Kibum frowned, confused.

"Just in case it rains again," Jonghyun said. "You can give it back to me tomorrow."

Kibum looked surprised and a little touched. He took the jacket and put it on.

"Hey, don't tell anybody I'm not.." Kibum trailed off, twisting his fingers.

Jonghyun tugged at the zipper of his jacket until it reached Kibum's chin. Jonghyun smiled at him, eyes crinkling around the corners. Kibum felt his heart leap. "Don't worry, I won't tell."




The next time Jonghyun took Kibum out for coffee, he made Kibum put a hood on and wore a cap himself. The coffee shop was busy with the late afternoon crowd. Kibum joked that they should change the scenery sometime. Jonghyun replied that this was the only place where people didn't bother him as much.

"Let's go out," Jonghyun said, spearing his cheesecake with his fork.

"We're already out," Kibum said, taking a sip of his drink. He was folding the napkin into a crane.

"I like you." Jonghyun said, a serious look on his face.

Kibum looked up and laughed.

Jonghyun frowned, "Don't you believe me?" His eyes darkened with hurt.

Kibum's eyes widened when he realized Jonghyun wasn't joking. He played with his fingers on his lap to avoid Jonghyun's gaze.

"Jonghyun," He said. He placed his clasped hands on the table and leaned forward. "You're Kim Jonghyun. You have fangirls. You're a star. I sell flowers on a street." He looked at Jonghyun as if to say, Do you see why this will never work out?

Jonghyun sighed and reached for his hand. "I don't care," He said as he rubbed his thumb over Kibum's knuckles.

Kibum opened his mouth to protest, but he felt the words die in his throat.

"Jonghyun-oppa!" They heard two high pitched voices from the other side of the cafe.

Jonghyun dropped his hand; Kibum saw a flash of irritation on his face before it was replaced with a smile. The two girls approached. They were your ordinary, stereotypical fangirls--short hair, bangs cut across their foreheads. One was holding a camera. Kibum looked down at his coffee to avoid their stares.

"Can we take a picture with you, oppa?" One of them simpered.

"Sorry, I'm not allowed to," Jonghyun apologized. The girls looked at the floor in disappointment.

"Oh, that's okay then. We'll be cheering for you, oppa!" The other one said. She grabbed the other's arm, and they bowed. Kibum looked out of the corner of his eye and saw that they had sat at a table nearby and were taking pictures of Jonghyun.

Jonghyun cursed under his breath. "Are you done?" He asked. Kibum nodded. Jonghyun grabbed his new jacket off the back of his chair and motioned to the door.

"So," Kibum said, once they were outside.

"I'll walk you home," Jonghyun said and started walking south.

"What?" Kibum asked, dumbfounded. He stood rooted to the spot.

"I said, I'll walk you home." Jonghyun said, already ahead of him. Kibum turned and caught up with him. Their shoulders knocked against each other while they were walking.

Two blocks later, Jonghyun pulled his cap lower over his head. He looked over his shoulder to check if they were being followed. Satisfied, he tangled Kibum's fingers with his. Kibum looked down at their hands, then up the small smile on Jonghyun's face.

He tried to ignore the way his heart had started beating faster.




It had been a couple of months since Kibum met Jonghyun.

Jonghyun dropped by his makeshift spot on the street every morning. He bought flowers from Kibum on most days, and would give them back to him. Kibum had to resist the urge to roll his eyes every time, to keep up the facade. He couldn't help the blush from coming out every time though.

One day, Jonghyun waltzed up to his spot bringing flowers. Kibum wanted to ask him what that was all about, but remembered he wasn't supposed to be able to see anything. So he waited for Jonghyun to announce his arrival.

"Hey," Jonghyun said. He sounded cocky. "I'm not buying flowers from you today."

"Why are you here then?" Kibum quipped. He stared at Jonghyun's arm this time, admiring the way the muscles fit against his dark shirt.

"I was in my hometown over the weekend," Jonghyun said, "Our neighbot's wisteria vine was climbing up our wall." He grinned. He took Kibum's hand. His thumb brushed over Kibum's palm before he placed the sprig on it and closed Kibum's fingers around it. Kibum ignored the butterflies in his stomach.

"Wisteria?"

"Yup. You know what that means don't you?"

"Yeah."

Jonghyun grinned. "Good." And he bent down, whispered in Kibum's ear. "I'll meet you at the coffee shop around 8, is that alright?"

Kibum nodded. He fought down the grin that threatened to take over his face.




Kibum snorted at him later. "It's pretty late for a welcome, we've known each other for awhile."

Jonghyun grinned. "Well, today I can tell you that my group just finished recording our third album."

"So you're not breaking up?"

Jonghyun smile reached the corners of his face. It took Kibum's breath away. "Nope."

Kibum smiled at him, "That's great."

"Thank you," Jonghyun said. "Don't tell anyone else though. The official statement will come out in a week."

Kibum nodded, drinking his java chip blend. The coffee shop wasn't full at this hour. Most of the usual crowd are still off having dinner in some other restaurant. Jonghyun knew that in an hour or so though, it'd be streaming with people and probably fangirls. He tapped his fingers on the table idly. Kibum raised his eyebrow.

"I've got something to give you, too." Jonghyun said. "We have to get out of here first, though."




Jonghyun brought him to his apartment.

"So this is where you stay." Kibum said. Jonghyun's apartment was spacious for one person. The living room had a blue bean bag, and a black sofa. There was a Playstation3 connected to the flat screen. Next to the flat screen was a table, littered with photographs. A black island separated the kitchen from the living room. The kitchen had a dark marble and wood theme. Off to the left were a couple of doorways.

Kibum turned to face Jonghyun, his eyebrow raised. "You may be an idol, but you're moving too fast for my liking, sir." He had a playful smirk on his face.

Jonghyun laughed. "Take a seat will you? I'll be out in a bit." And he disappeared into one of the doorways, into what Kibum presumed to be his bedroom.

Kibum took a seat on the sofa. He made a face and moved some of Jonghyun's clothes that were on it. He started folding them out of habit.

Jonghyun emerged from the room, holding some papers in his hand. He left the door open; Kibum could make out a computer and a keyboard cramped into the tiny room. It looked like a workroom.

"Here," Jonghyun handed him the papers. Kibum took them, confused.

Jonghyun sat next to him on the couch. "That's a pamphlet for the new company. The audition dates, times and venues are there."

Kibum's lip twitched when he saw the logo. "Isn't this your rival company?"

Jonghyun had the grace to look guilty. "Yeah. But mine won't hold auditions for another year, and that one is holding auditions in three months."

Kibum nodded, looking at the pink leaflet.

"Hey," Jonghyun said, hand covering his own. He hadn't realized he was shaking. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Kibum lied, looking anywhere but at Jonghyun. He tried to pull his hand away from Jonghyun's grasp but Jonghyun held tight. He watched as Jonghyun removed the paper from his hand and tangled his fingers with his.

"What did I say about moving too fast," Kibum joked weakly, looking at their intertwined hands.

Jonghyun rolled his eyes at the attempt to change the subject. His thumb started drawing circles on the back of Kibum's hand. "Tell me what's wrong?"

It was quiet in Jonghyun's apartment. Nothing like the one Kibum shared with three others on the other side of the city.

"You have a nice place," Kibum said instead.

Jonghyun sighed. If Kibum didn't want to tell him, he wouldn't force it out of him. "It's..okay."

Kibum looked at him. He raised his eyebrows in question.

"It's too quiet. Back at home, my sister was always around making a racket. You could smell the dishes my mother cooked every morning and and at night. My father has a bit of a hearing problem, so the TV was always on loud." Jonghyun looked at the television, a wistful smile on his face.

"I keep telling myself that it's the price I have to pay to get my dream." He took a shaky breath. "Nobody said that chasing your dream would be awfully lonely though."

Kibum squeezed his hand. Jonghyun blinked, looked at the wall. He felt the couch shift as Kibum moved. Kibum rested his head on his shoulder. Jonghyun looked at Kibum.

"Now you're moving too fast," He joked, untangling his hand from Kibum's so he could put it around his shoulder.

"Shut up," Kibum replied. Jonghyun laughed, and pulled Kibum to lie down on the couch. Kibum's legs were long and tangled with his. He ran his hands through Kibum's locks quietly. They were as soft as they looked.

"I'm scared," Kibum muttered into his shoulder. "If I don't get in this time, I don't think I'll ever get in anything."

"There'll be other auditions. There always will," Jonghyun said.

"But I won't be young forever." Kibum's voice was muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

Jonghyun moved his hand to Kibum's chin to pull his face up. Jonghyun looked into his eyes.
"You can do it. I believe in you."

He leaned down and kissed Kibum. Kibum's heart was beating so hard, he thought it would jump out of his chest. He placed his other arm up around Jonghyun's neck. Jonghyun sucked on his bottom lip, his other arm closing around his waist. He tugged at the hair on the back of Jonghyun's neck, and Jonghyun kissed him fully.

"You haven't even seen me dance." Kibum said, when they break apart for air.

"We can fix that."

And nothing was said after that.




The next time Kibum dropped by Jonghyun's apartment, he brought a bouquet of crocus with him.

When Jonghyun had asked him what it was for, Kibum had ignored him and put the flowers on a vase. He set the vase on the table in the living room.

Jonghyun googled what the flower stood for when Kibum had left.

Nothing could wipe away the stupid grin he had on his face the whole night.




The audition was two months away. Kibum divided his time between practicing at home, selling flowers during the day, and meeting Jonghyun a couple of times a week. Jonghyun's comeback was coming up soon, so they were seeing each other less frequently. Plus, the fangirls had started to hang around Jonghyun's place again, ever since the press conference that announced their new album. It was getting harder to see Jonghyun.

Jonghyun managed to sneak him into his apartment one night, once the fangirls had gone.

"This is insane," Kibum complained, stretched out on the couch. Jonghyun hummed an assent and set down a bowl of chips on the floor. He nudged Kibum's side and Kibum moved over to make space for him on the couch. Jonghyun frowned and shifted, hand patting under his back. Kibum looked over as Jonghyun pulled out a marker that had been poking his back.

"Huh, so that's where it went."

Kibum snorted. "You live in such a pigsty,"

"You haven't been here three weeks. This is what happens when you don't come over to fix my stuff," Jonghyun said teasingly.

"This is insane," Kibum said again. Jonghyun frowned.

"Hey," he said, suddenly serious. "Do you believe in me?"

"What?" Kibum asked, puzzled at Jonghyun's sudden mood swing.

"You think I can do it, right?"

"Do what?" Kibum asked, smoothing his hair. Jonghyun was so weird.

"Have a successful comeback."

"Of course." Kibum was about to ask if their group was having problems again, when Jonghyun spoke.

"Have a successful comeback and still spend time with you. Do you believe I can do that?"

Kibum was quiet this time. He looked at the ceiling. Jonghyun frowned. The silence was heavy, much like it had been in the cafe on that fateful rainy day.

"You don't think I can do it." Jonghyun said flatly. He stared at Kibum's profile.

Kibum was quiet for a couple of minutes before he said, "It's going to be hard. My audition's in a couple of months and I'm practicing most of the time. Your group's comeback is next month. We probably won't see each other for a while."

Jonghyun's hand had balled into a fist around the marker. Kibum turned to face Jonghyun.

"It's going to be hard. But I think we can do it. I believe in you." He kissed Jonghyun. "I believe in us."

Jonghyun relaxed. He put his arm around Kibum's waist.

"Good," he said. He uncapped the marker and reached for Kibum's arm.

"What are you doing," Kibum said, short of shrieking. Jonghyun stopped and seemed to think about it. Kibum gave a sigh of relief. All of a sudden, Jonghyun was straddling him, effectively pinning him down. He reached for his arm and started writing, amidst Kibum's protests.

"I hate you," Kibum said once Jonghyun finished. Jonghyun just grinned at him and gave him a peck on the lips before settling down beside him again.

There, written on his arm in thick black felt tip were the words, I'm yours. You're mine.




Kibum hasn't seen Jonghyun in almost a month. The fangirls had started a stakeout near his apartment, and sometimes there would be paparazzi. Today and yesterday, a bunch of them had passed the street and hadn't returned. He assumed they were outside Jonghyun's. He rolled a carnation between his thumb and forefinger absently. Expensive leather shoes came into his line of vision. He heard a rustling of newspaper and the unmistakable click of a lighter.
He wrinkled his nose. He tugged the zipper of Jonghyun's jacket, the one he never returned, upwards.

"Morning," he heard a voice grumble. He looked up a little, enough to acknowledge the presence.

"I'll have a bouquet of roses please," The man said, tucking the newspaper under his arm. Kibum saw the headline and froze.

"Hey, did you hear me?"

"Sorry," Kibum said, keeping his face carefully blank. His heart banged against his ribcage. He wrapped some roses in a bouquet and handed it over to the man.

The man handed him some bills. Kibum bit his lip.

"Excuse me," Kibum said. He was careful to keep staring at the same spot on the man's slacks. "Could I have your newspaper?"

Kibum could feel the man frowning. "How did you know I have one?"

"I could hear it rustling," Kibum said, tugging his hair nervously. "If you're done with it, I wondered if you could give it to me to wrap flowers in."

"Oh, of course." The man said. Kibum could hear pity in his voice. The man probably thought he couldn't afford anything. He handed the newspaper over. Kibum made sure to miss it the first time, hand clasping air. The man moved his hand and let the paper hit Kibum's palm.

"Thank you," Kibum bowed from his seat. The man walked off, juggling the roses, his cigarette and a camera in his hands. Kibum placed the newspaper on his lap. He let his bangs cover his eyes as he read the paper. His heart sunk as he read the words, embossed on the newspaper.

BLING2X DISBANDS
Two members file lawsuit against Korea's biggest entertainment company on the same day the group's new album is released.
Under the headline was a picture of Jonghyun and his bandmates.

Kibum stood up and walked as calmly as a person pretending to be blind could toward the direction of Jonghyun's apartment. He asked the guy who sold sketches next to him to watch his flowers for a minute. The nearer he got to Jonghyun's block, the noisier it got. As he rounded the corner, he saw paparazzi and fangirls completely blocking the street. Cars couldn't even pass through the throng of people. Jonghyun's curtains were drawn. A couple of press people were taking pictures around the house.

Kibum bit his lip and walked away.




Kibum had packed up the flowers that weren't sold and brought it over to his employer. He was walking towards his street when it started to rain. He stopped in his tracks and bit his lip. The rain started to pour harder. He turned and started walking resolutely in the opposite direction. He was running by the time he reached Jonghyun's street.

The crowd had cleared up because of the rain. There were still some fangirls huddled under umbrellas across Jonghyun's apartment. A couple of paparazzi were in their cars parked in front of the curb. Kibum stood at the corner of the street, rooted to the spot. He ran his hand through his soaked locks, looked at the fangirls, Jonghyun's house, the paparazzi and back again. One of the reporters was the man that bought roses from him earlier.

Kibum thought of his stable job and his quiet life. He thought of what he had to give up to get here, and what he still had to go through. He thought of his family back in Daegu. He thought of his dreams. He thought over the fact that he hadn't seen Jonghyun in almost a month. He took a deep breath and tugged Jonghyun's jacket closer to his body. He flipped up the hood on his shirt. He clutched his hand over the corners of the hood over his nose and mouth. The rain hit his hood and back as he walked over to Jonghyun's front door.

The fangirls started to make noise and point at him. He knocked on Jonghyun's door. The two men in their cars looked up in interest, cameras at the ready. He looked down at Jonghyun's doorway. It was filled with fan gifts and letters.

Jonghyun didn't answer. Kibum shivered, hand still over his face. He knocked again, harder.
Still no answer. The paparazzi lowered their cameras, obviously disappointed. They'd been knocking on Jonghyun's door the whole day to no avail. If Jonghyun didn't open for them, he surely wouldn't open for some drenched guy.

Kibum knocked again, harder and longer than the last time. His heart hammered madly in his chest. What if Jonghyun didn't want to see him?

He let out a breath. He didn't want to resort to this.

"Yah, Kim Jonghyun!" He shouted. "Don't you believe in me?"




Jonghyun hadn't been able to talk to Kibum for three weeks. He'd spent the last two weeks rehearsing for his group's comeback. He left home earlier than usual; Kibum hadn't even set up his flowers on his usual spot when he'd leave in the morning. When he came home at night, it was too late and he was usually to exhausted to ask Kibum out. Fangrils and the occasional paparazzi had also started camping outside his apartment block again. They made it impossible to sneak Kibum home.

His bandmates told him their plans to leave the company a week ago. It had resulted into an argument, and they hadn't spoken to each other since. He hadn't left his place in three days, his bed in two. He had locked the door, shut all the curtains and turned off all the lights. Then he had burrowed under the covers and wished everything was a horrible, horrible nightmare. He stared at the ceiling. His phone had been ringing off the hook the first day, until he finally decided to shut it off.

He knew the news had come out, based on the amount of noise outside his door. It was official. He had nothing left to live for. Eight years of training and three years of work had all gone down the drain. He'd given up the same things his bandmates did eleven years ago--time with his family, time with other people outside the company, privacy, even the food he wanted to eat. He had given it up for his dream.
And now here he was, lying in the shattered remains of his ambitions.

It had started raining. He listened as the rain pattered on the roof and his windows. He listened as the noise outside dulled to a low hum as people left. He snorted as he heard knocking on his door, even through the rain. Rain doesn't change anything. He wasn't going to let the paparazzi or his fans in (no matter how drenched they were), and it certainly wasn't going to bring his group back together. He pulled the covers over his head as the knocking resumed, louder this time. He closed his eyes and curled into a ball; it was always good to sleep when it rained.

"Yah, Kim Jonghyun!" His eyes opened wide. He shot out of bed and to his front door.

"Don't you believe in me? I'm--" Jonghyun opened his door just enough to grab Kibum's arm and pull him inside. He heard the squealing start as soon as he shut the door, and a few curses from male voices.

"I'm yours, you're mine." Kibum continued softly as soon as Jonghyun looked at him. Kibum's clothes dripped on his hardwood floor. Jonghyun swallowed the sudden dryness in his throat and crashed his lips to Kibum's. I missed you.

Kibum's lips were cold. Kibum wrapped his arms around Jonghyun's waist as Jonghyun pulled his hood down and cradled his face.

"Hey, stranger." Kibum said as soon as they broke apart.

"You're wet," Jonghyun rubbed his thumb over Kibum's cheek.

"And you're gross," Kibum replied, wrinkling his nose in distaste. Jonghyun was shirtless and in sweatpants. His hair stuck out in weird directions.

"When was the last time you took a shower?" Kibum asked.

Jonghyun looked at him, eyes crinkling at the corners. "You never returned my jacket, you know."

Kibum shrugged, tugging the offending article closer to his body. "Looks better on me than it did on you." He shivered.

Jonghyun made a noise in the back of his throat that might have been an assent. "I'll get you some towels," He disappeared into the bedroom.

"Take a shower while you're at it," Kibum called out. He looked around; Jonghyun's place had gotten messier since the last time he came. Jonghyun emerged from the bedroom, carrying a couple of white towels and a change of clothes. He tossed the clothes on the couch and wrapped one of towels around Kibum's shoulders. He used the other one to rub at Kibum's hair.
Kibum grabbed his arm. "No." He took the towel from Jonghyun and dried his own hair. "You, shower."

Jonghyun rolled his eyes, a small smile on his lips. He motioned to the clothes on the sofa. "Change into those, before you catch a cold."

Kibum nodded and Jonghyun headed to the bathroom.




They sat at the kitchen table. Jonghyun was freshly showered and Kibum was wearing Jonghyun's clothes--a green AC/DC shirt and sweatpants. Kibum wrapped his arms around his cup of warm coffee.

It was quiet again. It wasn't awkward, like the first time, but it was heavy. The weight of not seeing each other for almost a month was rearing it's ugly, uncomfortable head.

"You're seriously not going to let me go out in this," Kibum joked, breaking the silence. He motioned to the sweatpants.

Jonghyun gave him a small, teasing grin. "That's the idea."

Kibum flushed. "You can't hide out here forever," He muttered instead.

"Why not?" Jonghyun countered lowly, inspecting the wooden table. Kibum sighed.

"When did you find out?" Kibum broached the topic, staring at his cup. He didn't know if he had enough courage to ask, why didn't you tell me?

Jonghyun shrugged. "A week ago. It's been rocky for months, everyone knew that. When the company announced we were going to have a new album, I thought it would be okay. We recorded new songs, we learned the choreography for some of them. I thought everything was fine." Jonghyun frowned, unconsciously tightening the hold on his mug.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kibum asked quietly, heart in his throat. He was afraid to hear the answer.

When he looked up, Jonghyun had an incredulous look on his face. "Your audition is a week away! You don't need this right now. You don't need to be burdened with my problems."

And just like that, Kibum's fears disappeared. He burst out laughing. Jonghyun looked at him like he was insane. He probably was, falling for someone like Jonghyun.

He stood up and moved to sit on Jonghyun's lap. Jonghyun cocked his head to the side.

"You're an idiot," Kibum told him matter-of-factly.

Jonghyun was going to retort, but Kibum kissed him first. Jonghyun placed his hands on Kibum's waist and pulled him closer.

When they broke apart, Kibum whacked him hard on the arm.

Jonghyun winced. "What was that for?!" He let go of Kibum's waist.

"For being an idiot," Kibum replied. "I bet you haven't been talking to anybody since you found out."

Kibum knew he was right at Jonghyun's guilty expression. Jonghyun rubbed his hands over his face and leaned back.

"It's just difficult. And that's an understatement. I lost what I came here for." Jonghyun muttered. He pressed his palms to his eyes.

Kibum pried Jonghyun's hands away from his face. "I know. But hiding in here like a hermit isn't the way to solve this, even if it makes you feel better."

Jonghyun removed his hands from Kibum's in favor of putting them around his waist again. He buried his face in Kibum's neck. "And you're an expert on this?"

Kibum ran his hand through Jonghyun's short strands. "Believe me, I can tell. I did it before."

"Don't tell me you also had an awesome boyfriend to pull you out of it," Jonghyun said, his tone light. His breath hit Kibum's collarbone.

Kibum didn't answer. He smirked as he felt Jonghyun's shoulders tense. "Course not. My roommates helped me out."

Jonghyun relaxed and pulled him closer.

"I got depressed after I failed the auditions. I didn't come out of my room for a month." Kibum chuckled at the memory. "That was the first time I saw Jinki angry. I didn't even know he was capable of getting angry. He told me off."

He leaned back so Jonghyun was forced to look up at him. "Told me that I didn't have to face things alone. Jonghyun, I'm still here." He touched Jonghyun's face. "And I'd like to always be here. Even if you ignore me--which is stupid really, I'm too awesome to be ignored--I'll be behind you."

Jonghyun looked at him for a second, eyes shining with so many things, before he muttered, "I'm glad I forgot my metro card that day."

Kibum frowned. Whatever he thought Jonghyun would say, that wasn't one of it. "What?"

Jonghyun just laughed and kissed him. He thought saying, I'm glad I met you or Maybe I was meant to meet you that day would be a tad to cheesy for Kibum's taste. But he believed in it with all his heart.




The rain had stopped. The moonlight illuminated the bedroom softly. They were on Jonghyun's bed, Kibum's head on Jonghyun's chest. Jonghyun was playing with Kibum's fingers when Kibum said,

"I should leave," He made no move to stand up, legs tucked away under the covers.

"Why?" Jonghyun asked, tugging on Kibum's arm so it lay across his bare stomach.

"Because your fangirls and a couple of paparazzi saw me come in. They'll be waiting for me to come out."

"Good point," Jonghyun said. His index and middle finger walked along Kibum's arm. Kibum patted his arm away lightly.

"I'm serious here," Kibum said, looking up at Jonghyun and pouting.

"So am I," Jonghyun replied and shifted so that he was above Kibum, elbows on either side of his head. "Did they get pictures of your face?"

"I don't think so. I had my hood on and I was covering my face."

Jonghyun grinned. "They might think you're a girl. I'll have a scandal."

Kibum whacked his bicep. "Don't look so happy. That's why I should leave."

Jonghyun kissed his neck. "The moment you step out of that door, they'll take more pictures of you. They might get a shot of your face."

"I'll be careful," Kibum replied as Jonghyun's lips traveled to his collarbone.

"You'll be coming out of here wearing different clothes," Jonghyun said before he bit on the junction between Kibum's neck and shoulder. Kibum gasped.

"M-mine aren't dry yet?" Kibum clutched Jonghyun's arm as Jonghyun soothed the mark with his tongue.

"Nope," Jonghyun replied, kissing up his jaw.

"But Jonghyun," Kibum tried one more time. Jonghyun's lips travelled to his ear.

"Stay. We'll figure things out tomorrow." He whispered, before taking Key's earlobe between his teeth.




The next morning, Jonghyun awoke to the smell of eggs and bacon. He headed to the kitchen and watched Kibum in front of the stove.

"Take a shower," Kibum said, feeling his presence. He laughed and walked over to put his arms around Kibum's waist. Kibum's hair was wet, and his skin smelled like his soap. The thought made Jonghyun's stomach twist in happy knots.

"Good morning to you, too." He kissed Kibum's neck. Kibum patted his arm. Jonghyun pouted, trying to get Kibum to turn so he could kiss him on the lips.

"Don't you dare kiss me without brushing your teeth," Kibum said, removing the eggs from a pan and placing them on a plate. Jonghyun pouted again, but Kibum ignored him. He sighed dramatically, dropped his hands from Kibum's waist and headed for the shower.


Jonghyun was just wearing jeans when he sat down for breakfast, hair still wet. He opened his phone to 432 messages and 80 missed calls. Kibum's eyebrow rose as he set down their plates.

"That's why I don't have a cellphone," Kibum muttered. Jonghyun tossed his phone on the table and pulled a plate closer to him.

"This is good," He said, wolfing down his breakfast.

"Of course it is, I made it." Kibum grinned. "You should stock up though, you're running out of food."

Jonghyun shrugged, fork halfway to his mouth. "Don't eat much here anyway. I usually skip breakfast."

"You shouldn't, that's the most important meal of the day." Kibum chastised, before taking a sip of juice.

"I'd eat if you make it for me every day," Jonghyun said offhandedly, shoving a piece of bacon into his mouth.

Kibum stilled and Jonghyun swallowed as they both realized the implications of his statement. A knock rapped at the door.

Kibum let out the breath he was holding, thankful for the distraction.

Jonghyun muttered, "Sounds like there's more of them today."

"Yeah, about that." Kibum bit his lip. The thought had been bothering him since yesterday. "I think one of the paparazzi outside bought flowers from me yesterday."

"Oh," A crease appeared between Jonghyun's forehead. "He'd probably remember you. He's a reporter after all, they're good with details."

"But I kept my face hidden when I came here," Kibum said. He started to tear his napkin.

"Your clothes," Jonghyun said, shoveling the last of bacon in his mouth.

"Fuck," Kibum said. He was wearing his already dry clothes from yesterday. "I hope he doesn't. I can't lose my income."

"So he finds out you sell flowers, you're not blind, and we know each other," Jonghyun said. He stood up and brought their plates to the sink. "What's the big deal?"

Kibum groaned. "People buy from me because they think I'm blind. I'd earn as little as everybody else in that street if they don't think I am."

"Maybe they still don't know you aren't blind," Jonghyun said. He turned on the tap to wash the dishes.

Kibum perked up thoughtfully. "You think?" Jonghyun's cellphone started ringing. Kibum picked it up; it was Jonghyun's manager. Jonghyun wiped his hands, took a deep breath and answered the phone.


Thirty minutes later, Kibum had cleaned up most of Jonghyun's apartment. He picked up a book that had fallen off the table. The book seemed to have something in it, since it wouldn't close properly. He opened the book to check if he could take it out. Pressed between the pages was a single crocus flower. Next to it was a post-it note with Kibum's name and a date written on it. It was from the bouquet Kibum brought to Jonghyun's apartment months ago.

"What a sap," Kibum muttered under his breath, a small smile on his face. He placed the book back on the table. Jonghyun emerged from his workroom fully dressed and frowning.

Kibum looked at him. Jonghyun looked back, then at the floor.

"Sorry," Jonghyun said. He shoved his phone in his jeans pocket.

Kibum frowned. He tugged at his hair before smoothing it down. He didn't know where to look.

"They got pictures of you yesterday, when I pulled you in. It's all over the internet."

"Oh," Kibum sat down.

"The good news is, they think you're a girl." Jonghyun joined him on the couch. He seemed amused by that fact. "The bad news is, I have to tell people you aren't."

Kibum leaned back on the couch. They were silent for a minute.

"This means," Kibum started slowly. "You will have to tell people who I am."

Jonghyun nodded, observing the other boy.

"And when you talk about me, I will either be a blind 'friend', or something, and it'll be on the papers and the internet, and I'll have to pretend to be blind for the rest of my life. But I can continue with my job." Kibum was looking at the wall.

Jonghyun nodded again. "Or I can introduce you as my 'friend' who was pretending to be blind to make a living."

Kibum's eyes are blank as he laughed humorlessly. "You make it sound poetic, and not like the fraud I am."

"Hey," Jonghyun frowned, grabbing his arm. "You're not."

"I am," Kibum said. "I can imagine the netizens now. They'll berate you for hanging around with a fraud like me."

"I don't care about that!" Jonghyun's grip on his arm tightened. Kibum allowed himself to be pulled closer.

"Can't I just be the unknown non-showbiz 'friend?'" Kibum muttered against his chest, voice small.

Jonghyun played with his hair. "I wish you could, but you know how the netizens are. They'll find you. Especially since some of them saw you yesterday. And if the person who bought flowers from you remembers you, your cover's pretty much blown."

"Nobody's going to trust me after this," Kibum said darkly. Jonghyun squeezed his waist comfortingly.

"Not if I can help it," Jonghyun replied. "My manager's coming to pick us up in a few." Jonghyun looked at his closed window. They could see the outline of people outside even with the dark curtains. "It won't be pretty out there."




Jonghyun's manager fabricated a lie from the truths. Creative license, he called it. Kibum ran away from home to make it in the city. After his unsecessful audition, he was so poor he had to sleep on the subway, take odd jobs, and finally resort to pretending to be be blind because he was desperate. He was also homeless for a while. Kibum had never slept on a subway, was never homeless at any period, and he pretended to be blind simply because it earned him more money than working with his other roommate at a construction site. But he went along with it.

Jonghyun's manager issued a statement about the scandal. More than a couple of articles were written about it. Most of them had the picture of Kibum outside Jonghyun's house. Some of the online articles had pictures of them in the cafe. Kibum recognized it as the one when fans approached their table. The netizens lapped it up. It wasn't all rainbows and butterflies, of course. They were divided into two fractions. There were those that understood him and pitied his situation--they were the ones that were thrilled that Jonghyun had a heart of gold and was helping a poor case like him out--and there were the moralists who said what he did, no matter the circumstances, was just plain wrong. Those were the ones that wanted him away from their beloved Jonghyun-oppa. Either way, people now knew Kibum.

The article also conveniently let slip that he was going to try and audition again. The netizens were having fun with that one--one side threatened to pull out their fanbase if he got accepted (Kibum thought it was an empty threat really, unless they were stupid. He was auditioning for a different company, and pulling out from Jonghyun's fanbase wouldn't affect his audition at all), another petitioned to give him a chance because he'd suffered enough. Kibum tried not to think about what would happen at the auditions tomorrow.




Jonghyun leaned back against the railing. They were on the rooftop of some restaurant Jonghyun's manager deemed safe enough to have dinner in.

"Sorry for dragging you into this."

Kibum made a face at him. "Stop apologizing. I was the one who screamed outside your door that night."

"I meant before that." At the coffee shop. Or maybe at the train station.

"I know," Kibum replied, bumping Jonghyun's shoulder gently. "Don't go cheesy on me."

Jonghyun smiled a little. He looked at him, "You're wearing my jacket."

"What jacket?" Kibum blinked innocently.

Jonghyun rolled his eyes. He gave Kibum a lazy smile. "I like it on you."

"You should," Kibum replied, as if it wasn't possible to believe otherwise.

Jonghyun chuckled. He turned and crossed his arms against the railing. "Now everyone knows you can see."

Kibum looked at the street below. He smiled. "Doesn't matter."



I saw you.