dark angels [3/3]
Jun. 30th, 2010 03:39 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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elphies_boxjonghyun/key, 7,711 words
fantasy, romance
Key visits Jonghyun across several lifetimes.
Read at your own risk.
Notes IT'S OVERRRR. It took longer than I planned mainly because I had second thoughts about the way I ended it. So, I wrote some more. There are a bunch of pop culture references here, cookies for anyone who spots them all 8D
To everyone who has been reading, especially to those who have commented on every single chapter (you know who you are, and I know who you are), thank you so much for keeping up with this. It means a lot to me since this is my first chaptered fic and all. Your comments always make my day. ♥
There is this amazing song that I used here, and when it comes up in the fic I suggest you listen to it.
PART 1 | Interlude | PART 2 | PART 3
Key is six thousand years old. Humans map out their lives by ages, so here is his.
Six thousand years ago, he was created as a Gatekeeper for the Human Wing. He worked with the Death Angels: Jonghyun who was 500 years older than him, and two others. Jonghyun instantly became his friend, and five hundred years were quickly spent exploring worlds and universes during break time.
Key was five hundred when he knew he was in Love and exchanged hearts with Jonghyun, looking forward to forever.
They spent almost four thousand years together, happy and in love. They explored more worlds and universes, and looking at old worlds about to die and new worlds about to begin. They made new friends with different creatures and the Death Angel that replaced one of Key’s original Angels.
The last few years are spent on worry, and dreams, and too much, and realizations and trying to be.
*
Key had lived for four thousand years.
"It won't matter, Key!" Jonghyun insisted. "They won't miss us. Death has hundreds of angels, and there are hundreds who guard the gate. The gates. Whatever. There's nothing here for us. They won't miss us if we leave." His wings were as black as night and were stretched as wide as they could reach. He was standing, wearing a black turtleneck and a frown.
"That's not true." Key replied from his seat across Jonghyun. He met Jonghyun’s gaze. Jonghyun’s eyes were dark with frustration.
"You are not the only gatekeeper. That is not the only key that can unlock any of the gates. We don't matter here. We don't matter, and we can't do what we want."
There was a pause filled with silence. Key was sitting on a white stool. They were in a white room filled with hearts, hearts of every kind, size and shape. Hearts on wooden shelves, still beating, some bleeding red. Jonghyun was in front of him, having paced back and forth during his monologue.
"We do what we are created to do." Key said, because this is the First Truth, and the Universal Law. He watched Jonghyun pace, and in his heart (which wasn't with him at the moment, could never be his own again) he knew, knew what was about to happen. Maybe he had known for around a thousand years, but he had preferred to ignore it. But today…
"Is this about you not being a muse?" Key asked quietly, and Jonghyun held his gaze with little surprise and a look of content.
Key realized that Jonghyun knew he has known all along.
"You know why I don't like humans that much? It's because they can be anything they want to be, if they set their mind to it. Sometimes, heck, most of the time, they even spend their whole lives pretending to be someone they're not. And we.. we can't even be that. I'm an Angel of Death and that's what I'll be for all eternity. You'll be a Gatekeeper for all eternity. Eternity. Eternity. It's a fucking long time, it's fucking forever." Jonghyun took a deep breath, and his voice softened.
"Don't you ever want to be someone else?" Jonghyun’s eyes were pleading.
Key looked up from behind his dark hair. Their eyes met. In the sinking feeling of his stomach, he knew how this would end. Maybe he’d known since the beginning.
"No."
Key has been alive for thousands of years, and that's a long time. The silence that stretched at that moment felt like an eternity—but it couldn't have been more than a couple of minutes. Jonghyun bit his bottom lip and nodded. Outside, the wind was blowing. There was a sound of hearts breaking, splitting open at the seams. He could hear Nothing whispering in the empty spaces, and something inside Key snapped.
"Why are you being like this?" Key asked, his voice raw with emotion. "We're fine as it is! We're in Love, and we can be together forever. Forever, Jonghyun! That's more than anyone has ever been given, it's what everyone dreams of!"
"But not on our own terms!" Jonghyun shot back. He stood up and began pacing to work off his frustration. "Our life is: I go pick souls up in the human realm every day, bring them to you every day, and then for only some hours a day can do as we please before we go back to work. It's the same fucking routine everyday!"
Key clenched his fists. "Things will be as they will be. This is our function, Jonghyun."
"Do you hear yourself Key? You sound like one of those Robots. You sound like the fucking Government. Why did they create us with dreams and free will if they won't allow us to be, anyway? I don't want to be one of Death's Angels anymore. I don't want to do this work anymore, I'm tired of it!" Jonghyun said, and Key could see the veins in his neck pulsing. Out of the corner of his eye, Jonghyun saw one of the hearts bursts an artery and splatter dark, red, blood on its neighbors. He sighed.
"Please." Jonghyun said, running out of steam. "Let's run away. No functions, no duties, no limitations. Whatever we want to be, we can be. Just the two of us, into the Forever."
"Jonghyun. Jjong." Key pleaded, eyes watering, as he walked over to Jonghyun. Every step felt like he was getting further and further away. The hearts on the shelves had begun beating at a faster rhythm, getting stronger and stronger. "Be reasonable."
He was two steps away from touching Jonghyun when the older male laughed, but there was no humor in his voice. "I'm done being reasonable." He closed the distance between himself and Key. Jonghyun cupped Key's cheek with one hand, and kissed him. Key twisted his hand in the fabric of Jonghyun's sweater, holding on as tight as he can. He kissed back desperately, knowing, knowing, that this will be the last time. Jonghyun’s hand tugged at the bottom of his shirt, and he lifted his arms up to help him take it off. Jonghyun's hands were holding his waist so hard, Key knew it would bruise. He grabbed Jonghyun's hair as Jonghyun bit his earlobe.
His left hand was still grasping Jonghyun's sweater, as if by holding it hard enough, it wouldn't disappear. Jonghyun uncurled Key’s hand from his sweater and discarded the piece of clothing. Key grabbed Jonghyun's neck instead and crashed his lips to his. He prayed (even if he is well aware that there are no gods) as hard as he could that this wouldn't be their last time.
It didn’t work.
*
Some just aren't meant for this life; for the rigorous schedules hidden under the mask of freedom. Key woke up the next morning with an empty space beside him and diamonds on his pillow. He rubbed his red rimmed eyes and threw the evidence of his tears away. The diamonds made a clanking, empty sound in the bottom of the bin.
He hadn't seen Jonghyun since yesterday afternoon, in the heart chamber. He knew to expect it, but that didn't change the way his blood ran cold, the way his whole being filled with dread. He could only pretend to hope that Jonghyun would show up in time to deliver his charges for the day.
Of course, Jonghyun didn't.
Key knew he wouldn't.
*
Rules. Order above all else. This was what they were made to do. Everything in World's End functioned liked a clock—mechanical, robotic, all the same. Every single day.
There was nothing wrong with that. That was how they lived. With just the right amount of Freedom to take short breaks every day, to sleep, to laugh, to Love.
It had always been enough for all of them.
But sometimes, there would be glitches. There would be Angels who would want more. And sometimes, there were Angels who learned to be repulsed at their automaton mindset, at their authoritarian system.
And those were the Angels who craved for more Freedom.
At the World’s End, there are Rules to follow. ‘To maintain order’ is the First Truth, the Prime Rule. It should not be broken at any point, at any cost.
At any cost.
*
Everything was a frenzy that day. Key's Gate had always been one of the best—punctual, orderly, everything the Government meant for it to be. He was named Key, after all. When Minho and Luna delivered their first quotas for the day, they didn't notice anything amiss.
It was Minho who noticed, upon his return.
"Key," He said, looking at the empty bottles they'd leave in front of the gate. Jonghyun's shelves were empty. "Jonghyun-hyung hasn't come?" Minho uncorked the bottles he brought.
"No," Key replied quietly. He looked away as the shapes started to form. "He's not coming,"
Minho looked up at him sharply.
"You should go," Key said, hand curling around the key around his neck. Minho looked torn for a moment—mind fighting whether to ask what happened or to leave as he should. The shapes were almost complete now. A girl, long brown hair tumbling in waves, turned around and looked at Minho.
"What are we doing here?" she asked him. Minho looked at her, then at Key again. He knew he had to leave--he could not converse with the imprints once they were delivered. He gave a small nod and left, wings extending as he flew.
Later that night, they were all summoned by the Government. Key had only ever seen them once, when he was created and instructed with what he must do. Now, four thousand years later, they were exactly as he remembered them; shrouded in hoods, standing around a circular hole emanating bright, white light.
"Where is Jonghyun?" The first one asked, voice low and scratchy.
"I don't know," Key replied. Minho and Luna replied the same.
"Of course you don't," The second replied. By the tone of voice, Key would have said she/he/it was smiling.
"We'll find him." The last one said, voice as smooth as silk. "We always do. You know what awaits him, don't you?" As soon as she/he/it dropped the words, a dread as thick as fog filled the room.
"Please," Key burst out, a little desperate. His heart clenched at the thought. "Please don't."
The first one clucked its tongue. "Why shouldn’t we? He has disappeared. He has delayed the death of a hundred humans by not showing up today. He has upset the Order. Do you know how many lives are now forever changed because of his recklessness? How many things that are meant to happen will not happen, and how many things that are not to happen, might now happen? The very course of human history is changed."
The second one laughed happily. "Of course it has. Did you know he was leaving bits of his work whenever he picked up souls? I bet you didn’t. Imagine the families finding poetry, lyrics, compositions in their dead loved ones room, forever changing how they saw their deceased relative. Some even doubted knowing their friends or children at all, because of those notes. Relationships have been changed.”
“What a waste, what a waste.” The last one said, dreamily. “He was one of our better Angels. Lasted pretty long too. Uncreation it is.. unless you have something else to suggest?”
Key stayed silent, breathing harsh. They were giving Jonghyun a chance—through him. It was practically unheard of.
Maybe the Government had a heart too.
(Or maybe it was Written, before they were created that this would happen. Maybe it was their Fate.)
Minho and Luna looked at him.
"You do know we rarely offer this chance for salvation? Only because you have worked so long.." The first one said. “Four thousand years for you, and five hundred more for him.”
"Of course, Time ends up changing the best of us. He has failed as an Angel."
“He can’t stay here anymore,” The last one said dreamily. “What do you propose we do? Or it’s Uncreation for your lover.”
Key gulped down the rock forming in his throat. He knew it was not salvation they would be giving. It was eternal punishment. But anything, anything was better than Uncreation.
And he was desperate enough to take this.
"Up until today," Key started. "Jonghyun’s done exceptional work. Four thousand and five hundred years of it, that has to count for something. Some Angels barely reach the three thousand year mark before you ki--Uncreate them. He does not deserve to be Uncreated. And.." Key did not know if this would help his cause, but he said it anyway. "I Love him."
The light from the circle flashed suddenly. And then it was gone. Key, Minho and Luna looked at it in alarm. They couldn’t see anything, not from where they were standing, and probably not even if they were standing in front of it. It was something only The Government saw. The second of the trio laughed.
"And what do you propose we do?" The first one asked mockingly.
Key bit his lip. He didn't know.
"Of course you don't know." The second one cackled. "But you want him to be saved from Uncreation, yes? And since you are in Love with him, you want to spend Forever with him."
Key nodded cautiously. Of that, he was sure.
"Alright." The last one said. "We are doing this not for only his years of service, but also for yours. You might be the best Gatekeeper around. Do you remember Yoochun and Junsu?"
Key felt his blood run cold and his stomach drop. "Yes," he whispered.
"Good," the first one said. "Then, we are done here."
"Of course we are." The second one agreed.
"We will have found Jonghyun by tomorrow morn. None of you will get to see him here."
Luna looked like she wanted to ask why, but Minho touched her arm lightly. Never speak to The Government unless you were directly addressed. The trapdoor opened of its own accord. They bowed and flew up outside. The Government paid them no heed. The trapdoor shut soundly, disappearing as soon as it appeared. They were back in the middle of The City.
Key fell to his knees, staring into space. Luna hugged him, murmuring comforting nonsense. Minho lingered, unsure as to what to do. Key’s mind brought him to two thousand years ago, the first time the Government created a punishment that wasn’t Uncreation for beings such as them. They gave Yoochun, who used to be one of the Muses, a mortal life in the human realm for all eternity. Yoochun would remember his ethereal existence once he died, before he got transferred to another body, another vessel. And those sparing moments of the soul being released, of the soul regaining his memories, was the only time he could meet with his lover, Junsu, one of the Muses of Songs. It was said that Junsu became more skillful in his craft of songs after the punishment.
They could never touch each other. That was their eternal punishment.
Key sat there long after Minho and Luna had left, wondering if his would be the same.
*
"Are we really made to feel this way?" Jonghyun asked once, hand absent-mindedly thumbing a blade of grass. His wings were fanned out behind him, as he lay on the grass.
They were in The Vinkus, and they could hear music wafting over from a castle (Kiamo Ko, Key remembers it was called) nearby to their place on a hill.
"What do you mean?" Key asked, frowning. He was sitting cross legged, making a garland out of flowers and white feathers. There seemed to be quite a lot of those around the area, although he had yet to see birds of any kind.
"Love." Jonghyun grinned at Key from where he was lying on the grass, "I love you, so much, that sometimes it feels like my entire being is becoming undone."
Key looked down at his work, a hint of a smile on his face, to hide his flushed face. He whispered, "That's okay. I feel the same way."
*
Word was that they had found Jonghyun two worlds to the East. He was hiding with one of their Elvin friends in The Woods, Donghae. Key did not know what happened when he was brought to the Government. He only knew of the punishment after Jonghyun had been sent away, and he was summoned by the Government to talk about it.
Jonghyun would be given a life, a mortal life, for all eternity. He would only remember what he was once he died and picked up by one of the Angels of Death. Every time Jonghyun regained his memories, he would remember what he had—what he is currently putting—Key through. Key was allowed to see Jonghyun anytime in the span of his lifetimes. They were never to see each other when Jonghyun remembered who he really was, as eternal punishment.
And so it became that Key would look for him, watch over him, and try to find some semblance of the Jonghyun that he knew for thousands of years in the mortal Jonghyuns he came to know.
In the beginning, Key had thought he got a better offer.
*
The funny thing about the Dark Angel's reincarnation is that it isn't how a human lifetime would work. Sometimes, Jonghyun begins as an infant, other times his life begins as a teenager, or a middle aged man, or a singer-composer in an idol group in his early twenties. It's hard, every time Jonghyun "dies". Key has to look for him all over again, and never knowing where to start, or what to look for.
This time, Jonghyun was a teenage boy adopted by an American couple.
"Shh," Jonghyun grinned at him, pressing a finger to his lips. His fingers interlocked with Key's as he peeked out from behind the alleyway. It was dark out in the streets of San Francisco.
"I can just make it so that they won't see me, you know." He told Jonghyun. Jonghyun, who was wearing a leather jacket over a white tee, was pressed against the red brick wall, with his head poking around the corner.
"Where's the fun in that?" Jonghyun said, earring glistening in the dim light.
"Stupid kids," Key heard the store owner mutter. "Vandalizing my windows.. Hey!"
"Oops," Jonghyun said, "Let's go!" and Jonghyun pulled him forward and they ran, the fading sounds of the Mexican clerk's shouts in their ears.
(Key tried not to think of a beautiful garden, and a red heart gem being placed in his jacket, of Jonghyun’s wings beating as they flew, and Jonghyun’s eyes sparkling like the sun.)
*
"Is it scary?" A five year old Jonghyun asked him. His parents were doctors, and were almost always never home. His baby sitter was fast asleep on the couch, blonde hair fanning out on the blue throw pillow.
"No," Key said, giving him an encouraging smile.
"I rode an airplane before," Jonghyun said thoughtfully, looking at Key's red and green highlights. "It was really scary."
"Do you want me to help you not be scared anymore?"
"You can do that?" Jonghyun asked, eyes widening.
Key nodded. He held out both of his hands.
Jonghyun took them, little hands gripping too tight.
They walked to Jonghyun’s backyard and Key spread his wings. Key didn't take him too high, but high enough. Jonghyun’s grip got progressively tighter.
"What if I fall?" Jonghyun asked, eyes wide, hands trembling. He looked down at his house, a few meters below them. The French suburban houses made a pretty grid from where they were.
"You won't." Key said, softly. "I'll always be there to catch you."
"You promise?" Jonghyun's eyes were still wide, but now it wasn’t just fear in his eyes. There was trust, and innocence. Key felt a pang go through his heart.
"I promise."
In this lifetime, Jonghyun grew up and became a pilot. He died on a mission during the First World War.
*
Key's lived long enough to realize that he didn't get a better offer. He could touch Jonghyun, make love with Jonghyun, love Jonghyun, but all these Jonghyuns weren't exactly his Jonghyun, the Death Angel. The one that lived for four thousand and five hundred years, the one he laughed and cried and did crazy things with. All the human Jonghyuns never knew that they’ve known each other like ones who've known each other for four thousand years.
Four thousand years is a long time.
It's one million, four hundred and sixty days of holding hands, of laughter, of duties, of flying, of Worlds unknown, of Love.
It's thirty-five million, forty thousand hours worth of memories.
It's been two thousand years since Jonghyun was punished, and here they are, trapped in this cycle.
The pain he feels is the same.
It eats up his insides, leaving him feeling raw and used.
It doesn't leave him with nothing (it leaves him with everything and nothing), but sometimes, just sometimes, he wishes it did.
*
They were shrouded in darkness, the only light coming from the soft glow of Jonghyun's lamp, in his one bedroom apartment.
"I love you, so much it hurts." And there was something in Jonghyun's eyes that makes Key want to believe it was his Jonghyun, the Jonghyun who was endless and in Love and immortal, and not Jonghyun the idol in this human lifetime.
Key knew better than to indulge in that fantasy.
*
“Key’s changed,” he heard Minho telling Changmin as he hid behind one of the trees in Changmin’s garden.
“You don’t go through what he went through without changing, Minho-yah.” Changmin said gently. He was sitting with his legs drawn up, arms resting on his knees.
“I’m worried. What if this ends up changing him completely like it did Jonghyun? Key’s always been a dreamer, like Jonghyun.”
“It won’t,” Changmin said. “He used to dream a lot—but he never let them get past that. Key’s a realist, deep down. He takes what he’s given and makes the best out of it.”
“He used to laugh, you know. He barely smiles now.”
“Is it getting in the way of his job?”
Minho frowned, “No, but—“
“Then it doesn’t matter.”
Minho looked at him, then stood up abruptly.
“That’s the way things go here, Minho. You know that.” Changmin stated quietly. Minho turned his back on him and walked to the end of the garden, spread his wings and flew away.
“I know you’re there.” Changmin said, and Key came out of his hiding place. He stood next to Changmin.
“He’s worried,” Changmin said, looking at the direction Minho had gone.
Key looked up at the golden apples. “I know. I’ve changed that much, huh?” There was a small smile on his face, but there was no humor in it.
“These things happen,” Changmin said matter-of-factly. He frowned. “I’ve always been curious, though. Would you rather Jonghyun have been Uncreated?”
“Of course not,” Key said, surprised and angry at the question.
“Even if it means not having to look for him every time he ‘dies’, not trying to make each human Jonghyun love you, not getting depressed every time—“
Key looked at Changmin, and Changmin saw a little pity in his eyes. Changmin stopped talking.
“Sometimes, I wonder what life would be if we hadn’t given each other our hearts. If we didn’t fall in Love. Sometimes, I wonder how it would have been if I didn’t plead for him. Sometimes, I wonder.” Key said, looking over the garden. “But at the end of the day, I know I would have made all the same choices I did. A day with Jonghyun is better than a life without.”
They were quiet for a little while. “I don’t understand,” Changmin finally admitted, frustrated.
Key looked at him this time, and Changmin can clearly see the pity in his eyes. Changmin could have all the knowledge in a million worlds, and it still wouldn’t be enough to understand Love.
“You have to feel it to know.” Key said quietly. And he left, as silent as he came, because he knew Changmin didn’t want pity, and that was all he could give.
Changmin was one of the Angels who could never fall in love. He was an Angel of Knowledge.
*
"Well, this isn't the only Earth." They were lying side by side on Jonghyun's bed, staring at the shadows the night made on the white ceiling. Jonghyun was seventeen, and worked part-time at a local bookstore called The Shop Around The Corner.
Jonghyun made a sound of interest, turning to face him. "So, the mirrored earth, it's true? That there's an Earth, juxtaposed on this Earth, where all the opposite of us stay? Like one where America doesn't have any bombs and Africa's the richest country, and Yuri is ugly?"
Key grinned, "Maybe."
Jonghyun pouted, "You never tell me anything. Are there other worlds too? Do aliens exist?"
"There are other worlds," Key said, just to pique Jonghyun’s curiosity.
“Like Narnia?"
"I opened the gate for the Snow Queen once." Key replied with a straight face.
Jonghyun's eyes widened.
"Okay, so it wasn't me, since that's the job of Gatekeepers in the Wing of Magical Royalty. But Jinki, he's my friend and he told me all about it."
Jonghyun's mouth had dropped open, and he said, "Narnia's not real! It's a place in a book."
"And how do you know it wasn't written by someone who had been there?"
Key turned to face Jonghyun and saw his wide eyes and open mouth. Key burst out laughing, hitting the bedspread with his fist. Jonghyun shoved his shoulder.
"Shit, I can't believe I fell for that,"
"I can't believe you did either," Key said, still laughing.
"Yeah, well you're real so.." Jonghyun trailed off.
They lapsed into silence. Jonghyun lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. Key counted the breaths Jonghyun took.
"Let's just go to sleep," Jonghyun said after a while, pulling Key's arm so that Key's head was on his shoulder. He draped Key's arm over his chest.
(Key didn't tell Jonghyun that they've both met the Snow Queen three thousand years before.)
*
Their bedroom Uptown in The World’s End has Jonghyun's dark satin sheets (that Key loved) and the red carpet. A thousand years before, the extra room had the red carpet, Jonghyun's black grand piano, and Key's sewing fairy-—Victoria—-sitting atop it. A century after that, there were racks and racks of stylish clothes added in the room, thanks to the fairy. Two centuries after that, Jonghyun decided it would be fun to collect trinkets from all their adventures. It was barely ten years when Key decided he couldn't stand the mess and made Jonghyun make shelves, and he organized everything by date, by world, by trinket alphabetically. And the room has been a hodge-podge of things coming and going since then.
Jonghyun's grand piano was still by the window, and the space around it was clear. He would try to write songs every day, and he would sing to Key every day. Key's favorite part of the day was the evenings when he would sit next to Jonghyun on the bench, and Jonghyun would sing him his song. They released Victoria after 300 years, when she made enough clothes to last them for two millennia. (They would've released her sooner, but she didn't want to leave).
Those happy days live only in Key’s memories.
*
Key wanted to give up their room the first day the Government enforced Jonghyun's punishment.
The Government did not accept it. He was to live there forever, because that room was made for them.
Key now likes to think that the Government are actually sadists.
He keeps the other room locked; hasn't gone into it in two thousand years (ever since Jonghyun). He has moved all the clothes in the bedroom. He cleans every day.
He tries to spend as little time as possible in there.
Somehow, the memories are always fresh in that place.
*
"I've...been here a long time." He said from the sky scraper as they watch the city below them. It is December of the year 2010. He is wearing a dark coat, leg hugging jeans and black boots.
"Yeah? How long?" Jonghyun removed the cigarette from his lips, blowing smoke into the cold air. He looked at the cars passing by, wondering if any of them will look up a SM company's building and see his companion, this gorgeous person with hair cut across his eyes and wings as dark as ebony.
There was something in Key's eyes that Jonghyun couldn't read when he replied, "Longer than you can imagine."
It was quiet up here. But the streets below are noisy, polluted. Earth was a figment of the beautiful earth thousands of years before. Humans, Key thought, are amazing. They can create so much and destroy so much all at the same time.
"You know," Jonghyun said, taking a drag out of his cigarette. "There's a movie out in theatres recently. It's called 2012. They said the world's going to end on December 21, 2012. Are you going to survive that?" Jonghyun joked, tugging his jacket a little closer around himself.
"I've survived many planets' deaths." Key replied, not bothered by the cold.
"The world's not really going to end in 2012, right?" The smoke from his cigarette created fluid patterns in the air.
Key watched them disappear, silent. There were only two more years left for Earth. Where would he look for Jonghyun then?
"Hey," Jonghyun's tone tried to be indifferent, but Key hears that little sliver of worry. "It's not going to end in 2012, right?" We're not going to end, right?
Jonghyun remembered the very first day he met Key. He had felt the inane urge to climb up the rooftop that day after a particularly draining recording session, for reasons unknown to him. Maybe there was never a reason. He remembered seeing Key sitting on the ledge, remembered running to pull him back. He remembered telling him not to kill himself, even if he didn't know the other boy. He remembered Key looking at him like he was insane or dumb, and then finally laughing at him. He remembered wanting to bottle up Key's laughter, and keeping it with him forever. He remembered lighting a cigarette and introducing himself and seeing Key's wings for the first time. He would come back up the rooftop every time he was free to see if the Angel was there.
"I don't know." Key answered, looking at the sun sinking on the horizon. "Will you regret if it does?"
Will this finally be over?
*
“He told me he was prepared to be Uncreated,” Minho said, looking at Key. They were on the floor in one of the rooms in The World’s End. The room was filled with rows and rows of shelves, wings of every kind—fairies, birds, dragons, insects, horses, bats, and everything else you can imagine and then some.
“What?” Key asked. And Minho began to recount, of one night when he picked Jonghyun’s soul up. That time, Jonghyun had been living as a mortal for at least a thousand years—
“The funny thing is,” Jonghyun started, as he looked at Minho. “I was ready to be Uncreated. I knew they would find me, that running away was fruitless. I couldn’t live like that anymore, the way we’ve been living. Better to be pulled apart, piece by piece, unraveled, suffer the most extreme pain known than to live in a farce where you can’t truly be happy. Where something’s always missing."
"But he saved me. And now existing only brings me pain—because I know it brings him pain.” Jonghyun looked down. If he was capable of crying, he would be now. He was always the one with his heart on his sleeve. But souls don’t cry. He whispered, “If I was Uncreated, I would have suffered. But it would have been over by now.”
“But Key would never recover from that,” Minho murmured softly. He opened the bottle Jonghyun’s soul was to go in.
Jonghyun laughed humorlessly. “I think we were damned either way. They made us to be damned.”
“Hyung,” Minho said, worried that the Government would hear and do something. Jonghyun shook his head, even as he started to fade, as he entered the bottle. “They might as well have told me that, the day they got me. 'Things were meant to happen this way,' they said.”
And Jonghyun was a wisp of smoke in a tiny bottle. Minho pocketed the bottle, and flew to his next destination.—
Minho looked at Key as he finished his story. The dim lights on one of the glass cages reflected on Key’s pale face.
“And so it has,” Key murmured softly, chin on his clasped hands.
They were quiet the rest of the night. Earth was set to be destroyed soon, and they were to be temporarily relocated to another wing until the formation of a new one.
*
It's funny really. The Angels of Destruction did their best to hint of the outcome when they realized that global warming and garbage problems weren't going to do it fast enough. Plane crashes, floods, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis, heat waves, they tried everything in their arsenal during the years leading up to the date. And it's not like Changmin didn't warn them through prophets. It's just that humans tended to turn a blind eye to truths they don't want to believe in.
12, 21, 20 and 12. Key remembered being in that room, with everyone who worked in the human wing, as Heechul decided the fate of Earth, of millions humans, of a world, with four pink-tipped darts. Translated to the human calendar, that was December 12, 2012. The Earth and everything in it died. Aside from the floods, earthquakes and intense heat, the continents shifted. North and South America banged into each other and sunk, Asia erupted into a ball of fire. It was everything the Angels of Destruction could think of, and then more.
Key watched as the humans frantically pulled out their cell phones, fingers burning, trying to give that one last call. He watched as families enclosed each other in their arms. He watched them cry. He watched a man save a child from drowning, only to be swallowed by the sea himself. He watched as couples kissed and clung to each other. He listened as amidst the sound of cries, and ‘help me’s and babble, the words ‘I love you’ were said more often, loud and clear. Key watched as Jonghyun was trapped under the SM building with other idols and trainees, choreographers and staff. He was coughing blood and wheezing. There was a deep gash on his head and his leg was twisted in a weird angle under the rubble. His eyes were unfocused as he chokes out a feeble, “Don’t know if.. can hear me.. but I don’t.. regret it.”
I don’t regret you.
Key closed his eyes, tears lining the corners.
*
Loophole, Key thought. His eyes were red rimmed. A couple of diamonds were on his pillow from his tears at Earth (Jonghyun’s) demise. The first two tears always turned to diamonds he remembered an old legend. Because an Angel’s tears are very precious.
It could be one, right? Dark Angles loved forever, could only Love once forever, so what happens when the other is washed away on a destroyed planet?
It could stop now, right?
Jonghyun was really gone.
Key could hear Changmin laughing in his head at this theory. No, no loopholes. He'll still be there, somewhere.
*
Jonghyun grinned at him, all teeth and sparkly eyes. "This is it," He flung his arms out and whirled in a circle, wings extending to match his momentum. They were in their new quarters Uptown. The place was bare, save for the red carpet and the bed in the other room.
Key sniffed, "You're such a kid," He himself was hiding his excitement at their new quarters.
Jonghyun cocked his eyebrow at him, "I'm 500 years older than you,"
"Doesn't matter, you act like you're a baby," Key said, nose upturned. He tried not to smile.
"Oh really?" Jonghyun said. He stopped spinning and had a dangerous glint in his eye.
Key realized this is Not Good.
"If you dare try anything," Key started, backing away cautiously, "Kim Jonghyun, I will--" and he shrieked, because Jonghyun had just grabbed him around the waist and lifted him. Jonghyun began spinning him around and around, and he was clutching Jonghyun's shoulders, his own wings out for balance. He was laughing, and they were laughing, and Key thought as he looked down into Jonghyun's eyes that life was perfect.
Life was perfect.
*
It had been six years after Earth’s demise. Key searched for Jonghyun every day in different worlds. He had scoped out ten worlds completely and he had thousands more to go through. He missed Jonghyun. Key felt he would find him soon enough though; Jonghyun’s heart has been beating steadily in his chest, pulling him in this direction.
It had always been their link.
It took ten more years before Key’s efforts were rewarded. Jonghyun was somewhere, alright. That somewhere turned out to be a star. Key could feel Jonghyun’s heart beating safely, in a regular rhythm in his chest. It was the first time in sixteen years that his heart felt at home. Jonghyun was beautiful, a mass of swirling gas and blinding color.
A star, Key though, and he wondered whether to laugh or cry or do both at the same time. The Government sure had a flair for irony.
Jonghyun, as stars mostly do, gave light and exploded after thousands of years.
Key didn’t wish on Jonghyun.
He was only a ball of gas, after all.
*
Jonghyun had something to show him, excitement in his eyes. He was wearing a white cotton V-neck shirt, something he usually wore at home. He dragged Key over to the keyboard in his workroom. His workroom wasn’t neat, to say the least. When Key had brought up cleaning the room, Jonghyun had said it would disrupt his ‘creative flow’. Awards for his compositions hung on the white walls.
“Sit down,” he said. Key did, wings hanging of the edge of the bench. Jonghyun sat next to him. He started to play a slow melody.
Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day they'll be no remnants
No trace, no residual feelings within you
One day you won't remember me
Key's heart thudded in his chest. No, he wanted to say. It’s the other way around. Jonghyun had his eyes closed, fingers pressing the keys. Key could see the vein in his neck as he sang.
Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I'll always love you, I hope you feel the same
Jonghyun opened his eyes and gave him a soft smile. Key was brought back thousands of years ago, to a beautiful grand piano and a red carpet, and Jonghyun giving him the same smile as he sang. His heart hurt. His mind (his heart) was playing tricks on him. Jonghyun was not allowed to remember anything. But this song, this song--
I had to leave, I have to live
I had to lead, I had to live
If I can't have you, let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around
Pretty wings, your pretty wings
Your pretty wings around
Even as Jonghyun’s voice faded, and the music ended, Key could not shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, Jonghyun remembered. He felt Jonghyun’s hands on his face, cradling softly.
“Hey, hey,” Jonghyun murmured, wiping at the corners of his eyes. One tear hardened into a diamond on the floor. “Are you okay?”
Key knew it was stupid, it was insanity to ask, but—“Do you remember?” he whispered brokenly.
A crease appeared between Jonghyun’s brows. He tilted his head slightly to the side. “Remember what?” He asked softly. “Are you okay?”
And Key laughed, tears flowing freely now, because god, he was stupid. How was he still hoping that his Jonghyun would come back? "Are you happy?" he asked instead, wanting, needing to know the answer.
Jonghyun still looked worried. He pushed the bangs away from Key’s face tenderly. "Yeah, when I'm with you. Are you okay?"
"No, I mean." Key stopped, struggling with the words in his head. He wiped the tear tracks away. "With your life."
Jonghyun frowned, confused. His hand brushed Key’s face affectionately.
"Your music. You get to sing and write songs every day. That's what you want, isn't it?" Key looked at him, a little desperately. His eyes were a mixture of emotions, of hurt and Love, of pleading and frustration. Because that's what my Jonghyun wanted. That's why we are in this cycle. That’s why I’m living like this. Please tell me you got what you wanted.
"Yeah, it's hard at times, but it's worth it." Jonghyun smiled at him. “I didn’t mean to make you cry,” He leaned over and wrapped his arms around Key, resting his chin on his shoulder.
Key shook his head against Jonghyun’s shoulder, hands grasping the sides of Jonghyun’s shirt. “It’s okay.”
Maybe everything is worth it.
*
Key was more than ten centuries old. He had loved Jonghyun the Angel for more than four thousand years, the various human Jonghyuns in a span of two thousand years, and watched over the star for four thousand years until its death, give or take a couple of centuries. He missed Jonghyun. He missed laughing with Jonghyun, talking to Jonghyun, laughing at Jonghyun, kissing Jonghyun, hugging Jonghyun, loving Jonghyun. He realized that Jonghyun being tangible was the only thing made their situation bearable in the last thousand years.
And Jonghyun had spent four thousand years as a star.
Four thousand years is a long time.
It's one million, four hundred and sixty days of watching Jonghyun in the sky, unable to do anything. There are no conversations at night, or kisses in the dark, no feeling of hands clasping together, no running away from crazy situations they caused, no laughter.
It's thirty-five million, forty thousand hours of being completely alone.
Alone.
Minho said he’s changed some more. Key knew he was right. Still, Key stayed in the World’s End. He was now known as the best Gatekeeper around. He was the one named Key after all. And when he curled alone in bed at night, he took comfort in the fact that it’s Jonghyun’s heart that was beating inside his chest. That wherever he goes, and whatever happens, there’s a part of Jonghyun that stays with him everywhere.
No matter what happens, I’ll always love you.
*
Key was back in this little room, somewhere he never thought he’d be again. The place was dark with the light on the floor in the middle of the room shining. The Fates were crowded around it, looking into its deep depths.
"It has been a little more than ten thousand years.” The first one started. “You have become our best Gatekeeper."
"Of course he has," The second one scoffed. "He was named Key, after all."
"Just like we planned it. Everything that has happened was meant to happen, and it has all come down to this." The third one muttered. "You are the best of the best. What do you want? We will reward you."
“Everything that’s happened,” Key repeated, realization dawning upon him. His eyes grew wide. “I never wanted to be the best Gatekeeper.”
“We know.”
“Of course you didn’t.” The second one cackled. “The ones who strive for greatness will never achieve it.”
“But we needed you to be.” The last one said softly. “You can’t fight Fate.”
Key looked away. He couldn’t even tell what exactly he was feeling at that moment. It was a mixture of anger, resentment, helplessness; the feeling of being used."You know what I want," he said instead, quietly. A little flare of hope bubbled inside him, and overwhelmed everything else. Surely, now they could grant him..?
"We can't give you that," The first one said. "An Angel once fallen from World's End is never to return."
Key bit his lip and looked away, hope dying within him, fast as it came. He was too old for this. He was too tired.
"Then, there's nothing more to ask." He said. The trapdoor opened, letting in the hustle and bustle of the City above. He extended his wings and flew out. He did not look back.
"Of course we can’t let Jonghyun can't come back. But there may be something else..." The second one trailed off, chuckling.
"You enjoy these Love affairs too much." The last one muttered, poking a stick in the white light between them.
*
Earth is new and green and blue again, this time with land and water split evenly in the middle. The Government had given the signal for it to be ready for habitation. Key watched from above, as if magically, humans start appearing and living lives as if they've been there for centuries. Key watched some of them die as soon as they are put in the planet. He felt his (Jonghyun’s) heart beat rapidly, an irresistible pull towards the planet. He trembled, from both fear and excitement, four thousand years flashing through his mind. He waited until the last Death Angel—a new guy who had come in three thousand years ago with a perpetual smile on his face, Zhou Mi—delivered his quota for the day. Once the souls were safely in the gate, he stretched his wings and dove.
Today is a new beginning.
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no subject
Date: 2010-06-30 03:51 am (UTC)you would make a very good writer. <3
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Date: 2010-06-30 02:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-30 03:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-30 04:18 pm (UTC)